


Immortalise This Moment

by residentsheeper



Series: Photographer AU: Take a Picture [1]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: (Heavily David POV), (mentions) - Freeform, Alternate Universe, Canon Trans Character, David is a film student, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, Matteo is a model, POV Alternating, Photographer AU, Pining, Starts in 2021, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-09-01 12:17:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 47,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20257975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/residentsheeper/pseuds/residentsheeper
Summary: From the writer of Director AU (And I walk onto the big-screen with you):A Photographer AU that goes through the years with David Schreibner, a budding film-school student and sister of renowned photographer Laura Schreibner ; and Matteo Florenzi, a model with rapidly rising fame.--Just as he nears the café that he used to go to sometimes when he was a high school student, he sees a figure sitting on the windowsill inside. It is really nothing out of the ordinary, really. David even used to sit there like this person is doing right now, watching the outside world going on with their lives. The person who is doing this now, however, catches his attention.A boy with a blond mop of hair, pale skin and piercing blue eyes. The boy is dressed in grey tracksuit and bottoms, with a dirty green hoodie worn underneath it. He has a face that is so sad and mysterious, and is staring out of the window blankly, as if the skies have the answer to life’s most difficult questions. David wants to know why this boy is so sad, and why there is an aura of intrigue behind this face. He wants to touch his hair and his face…





	1. Piercing Blue Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! You may recognise me from the Director AU (And I walk on the big screen with you), and I am back here with a Photographer AU this time round that is a _~47k finished work_ that I have been working on for 15 days. I will post them in due course. It is a bit different, I was told, but I hope you will enjoy it.
> 
> [Section removed due to relevant post on AO3 being removed, rendering the issue irrelevant.]
> 
> With high certainty, this will be the last multi-chapter, and maybe even last fic from me. I am disillusioned by recent fandom events and tired of the stress and smear that has been happening.
> 
> For all my wonderful readers that are sticking around, welcome back! I hope you will enjoy this ride with me as well!

**2 April 2021**

_Freitag 15:23_

David settles back on his plush seat on the ICE train going northbound, resting his head against the headrest. He sighs and looks at his phone. He still has halfway to go until he reaches Berlin, and he is already a bit fatigued by the train travel. He opens back up his laptop and works on his ideas for the next film project, making down notes that he should be discussing with Abdi when he gets back after the break.

The train is a bit more crowded today, as it is afternoon on Good Friday after all. It is the start of the holidays for a lot of people, and if they are going home for it, many make their journeys home today to celebrate Easter. For David though, it is the start of the much-needed break from all the frenzy and mess that is film school. It may only have been the middle of the semester, but in film school, projects and productions are already collapsing onto him like a mudslide. David seizes the chance to get away from Munich just to clear his head, and maybe work on things in a different environment, so that he could have a clearer perspective and hopefully make some headway on the plethora of work he has to do when he eventually returns after the Easter break.

He curses himself for not packing himself a sandwich when getting his bag ready for the trip up north, as he feels around his large gym bag he has in the space under his legs, trying to look for anything that is edible and possibly sate his hunger for the time being. All he yields are his sketch book, clothes, his camera and a bunch of other accessories for his devices. He zips his bag back up in frustration and focuses back on his laptop and continues working with the script he is going to direct for the upcoming project with Abdi.

Eventually he gets a bit fatigued, looking at a wall of words, so he saves the document and closes the window, trying to figure out what else to do so he could pass the time. Being done with words means that the book in his gym bag is also off the table, so he has to find some other alternatives. There really is not much to do when a person is stuck on a train for hours and given that David is not a big fan of games on his mobile phone.

He idly clicks around on his laptop, before deciding to plug in his external hard disk to go through his portfolio of photos, and maybe try and work on some of the raw files that he has yet to develop. Or he can choose some of his pictures, so he can upload to his portfolio of pictures on his website as well. David’s goal has always been to make films, and he is studying to be a director at one of the best film schools in Germany. But living in a different city means he is bound to having to look for ways of making money, so he could pay for his rent and living expenses. Consistent with his artistic aesthetics, he is quite good at anything when it comes to arts and crafts, but as he found out, it is relatively easier to forge himself a pathway of making some money with photography, and this is how he found himself working as a freelance photographer with a growing portfolio.

He likes working with pictures enough, though it is generally easier to make income from doing portraits or event photography, while he personally prefers taking pictures of the landscape, cityscape or his special interest – abandoned places. Beggars can’t be choosers though, right? So David makes do with working with people for the sake of his rent and food, amongst other things, and sometimes get away from everything by himself, so he can sate his lust for beautiful places.

He chooses another raw picture of the Munich cityscape that he likes and starts doing the post-processing with relative familiarity and ease, bringing out the vibrant colours and beauty of the sights, tweaking the picture to get the exact colour tone he likes. He then watermarks the picture and files it away, so he could update his portfolio later when he gets a stable wi-fi connection.

He keeps chipping away at his huge collection of pictures of people and places to make them ready for his portfolio, all for attracting more potential clients who may vie for his services. Maybe someone would even look at his eye for a beautiful shot and give him an opportunity to direct something for real. That would be the dream.

The train keeps hurtling its way towards Berlin, bringing David back to where he calls home, and a large, comfortable bed waiting for him.

* * *

_Freitag 17:04_

For once Deutsche Bahn does not pull some outrageous delays on David, so he actually manages to get back to Berlin when he is supposed to. He packs his laptop back into his bag and stands up to stretch, as the train pulls up to the platform in Berlin Hauptbahnof. His back is a bit sore from having pretty much sat in his seat on the train for all of four hours, aside from once or twice when he went to the lavatory. He can literally feel some pressure seeping away from his spine as he stretches his body. 

When the train finally screeches to a halt at the platform, he picks up his coat and his bag, before waiting for people slowly making their way off the train and clearing his path to the platform. He stretches again, when he sets his foot on the platform, a breath of fresh air hitting his face after spending hours in the confined spaces of the ICE train in close quarters with dozens of people in the same carriage as him, plus the not-too-well cleaned state of the interiors of the carriage. He is glad that he is finally done with the train ride and being one step closer to his bed.

David navigates his way around the station, finding his way to the S-Bahn station so he can make the last connecting trip before he has to walk back to his and Laura’s flat. The trip is relatively uneventful, and once again David wonders if there is ever a train conductor around to check the tickets on the S-Bahn. Not that he is inclined to start dodging fare anytime soon, being a good citizen and all. He hops off at his stop and makes his way out of the station. It is still bright out, given that daylight saving time has just started a few days ago, so the sunset does not even come around in another two or three hours. This does not stop the tiredness from starting to get to him though.

He starts walking down the street, eyes wandering around the streets that he has lived around for so many years, but now far away from. The buildings and surroundings are pretty much the same, giving him a sense of familiarity in the frenzy of life.

Just as he nears the café that he used to go to sometimes when he was a high school student, he sees a figure sitting on the windowsill inside. It is really nothing out of the ordinary, really. David even used to sit there like this person is doing right now, watching the outside world going on with their lives. The person who is doing this now, however, catches his attention.

A boy with a blond mop of hair, pale skin and piercing blue eyes. The boy is dressed in grey tracksuit and bottoms, with a dirty green hoodie worn underneath it. He has a face that is so sad and mysterious, and is staring out of the window blankly, as if the skies have the answer to life’s most difficult questions. David wants to know why this boy is so sad, and why there is an aura of intrigue behind this face. He wants to touch his hair and his face…

David has to remind himself to keep walking and stop staring. There is something about this face that is so breathtaking that he cannot point his finger at. The distant and sad feeling on his face that is so familiar to David, when he was a sad, depressed boy, struggling with himself in high school. There is a feeling of melancholy and lost that David can see from the face that he wants to know the reason of. But he also knows that he does not know this person, and probably would not see this face again.

David is out, proud and confident about who he is. He has no issues with that, but even this does not mean he has had much luck when it comes to people. Do not get David wrong, he has game and he has had a host of people that thirst after him, but aside from fun dates with people, he has never felt there has been a person that makes him feel _something_. There is a draw from this person, but is it the _something_ it has been lacking with other people? David is not sure, and he would probably never find out. _C’est la vie_.

He keeps walking, then the boy, followed by the café, both goes out of his vision, as he makes his way down the street, rounding the corner onto his own street. In his mind, he can already smell the scent of the flat, feel the softness of his matress, and the warmth of his duvet. He cannot wait to be home and pass out.

He trudges his way up the stairs with his bag, and opens the door to the flat, before making a beeline for his room. He carefully sets down his gym bag, lest he breaks his laptop, or worse, his camera, then flops onto his bed. Before he passes out, he groggily sits back up, pulling off his binder, before getting dressed again and falls asleep in his bed.

* * *

_Freitag 19:36_

Laura is tired to her core. But that is par of the course, really, especially when you have to work at a field site and being exposed to the elements, trying to get the best shots of the subjects. Even when she is one of the well-regarded photographers based in Berlin with an established studio that has seen some big names as clients of the studio, it is always hard work, especially when you strive for the best possible output that is possible given the environment and subjects. 

She comes back to the flat, unlocking the door. As she opens the door, she sees a pair of shoes that looks familiar lying by the door. She recalls David texting her earlier in the week that he would be coming back from Munich for his Easter break. She has kind of forgotten about it, which one would find understandable, considering she has literally just worked on _Good Friday_, not that she or David are inclined to celebrate anyway, but it just shows how Laura has been so busy recently.

She walks into the living room and sets down her equipment in the living room, before heading back to David’s room to poke her head into it to see what her brother is up to. She would bother him into helping her to prepare dinner, but when she sees David passed out, face down, in his bed and his binder carelessly left on the bedside table, she figures she should let him rest and do it by herself.

Laura gets to work to prepare the paella dish she has been hooked on recently, chopping up various vegetables and other ingredients that would go into it, before busying herself with making the food.

It is not too long until the food is ready, as she plates the food and sets it on the dining table, putting a cover over it before going to get David out of bed for dinner. She pushes her hand against David’s shoulder, before David makes a sound of protest and starts to groggily rub his eyes.

“…what’s going on?” He asks, his voice laced with sleep.

“Dinner’s ready, sleepy head. Wake up.” Laura says while pushing him, before deciding to leave him alone and get a head start on her dinner, as she has been starving before she even crossed the threshold into the flat. She is a few bites into her serving of the food, when David stalks out of his room, wrapped in a huge hoodie, and still rubbing his eyes as he makes his way over, and collapses into the seat opposite Laura.

“How’s the ride back?” Laura asks, though she figures it is taxing on David, judging by how he is like right now.

“Shit. Didn’t even remember to get a sandwich in my bag so I didn’t even eat on the way.” David mumbles, as he starts to get some of the paella onto his plate.

Laura hums, as she continues eating, thinking idly about the day’s work.

“How is work?” David asks as he starts sleepily tucking into the food.

Laura is about to answer, when her phone starts ringing on the table. She raises her hand at David in apology, as she picks up the phone.

“Hey, Leonie.” Laura greets Leonie, who is one of the best photographers who works in Laura’s studio. She started out as her protégé, but now she is a very well-established photographer in her own right.

“Hey, Laura. I have a small favour to ask from you.” Leonie starts.

“Mhm? What’s happening?”

“You know I have this model I am shooting for tomorrow?”

“I think so? He’s Italian or something, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. I have something to do for tomorrow. Can you cover for me?”

Laura does not really mind. It is just a studio portrait shoot for a person after all. But her assistant is off tomorrow, so that would be a problem.

“Is it with Sara? It’s okay, I will figure something out.” Laura cannot help but tease the possibility that Leonie has something to do with Sara being the reason why she cannot do the shoot.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Leonie shoots back. “But, thanks. I owe you big time.”

Laura puts the phone down with a sigh.

“Who’s that?”

“Just Leonie. I have to go for a shoot tomorrow.”

“Isn’t it Easter?” David asks amusedly.

“It’s whatever. Just a studio shoot.” Laura gestures vaguely.

David hums mindlessly as he takes another bite of his food. He is wolfing down his food at speeds that is way quicker than she is used to see.

“Do you have anything to do tomorrow?” Laura asks, a thought coming to mind. She could just make David go to the studio with her.

“Sleep?” David mutters through his mouthful of food.

“You’re coming with me to the shoot.”

“Why?” He asks, while rolling his eyes.

“Because you do photography too? And I know you’re good so I can trust you with getting the set-up and the editing right?”

David huffs, setting down his cutlery.

“Whatever.”

“You’re the best.” Laura laughs, while reaching over to punch his shoulder.


	2. Doodles

**3 April 2021**

_Samstag 09:03_

David woke up to just himself in the flat, Laura having already left for the studio. He makes his way into the kitchen to make himself a sandwich, with his phone left on the counter, playing some songs from his favourite playlist. He is a bit short on time, so he just throws some ham, cheese, and lettuce into the sandwich and calls it good. He is about to dig into the sandwich when his phone chimes.

_Laura_

“You up yet? The shoot is at 10.” – 09:12

_David_

“Having breakfast. Will do my best to be there.” – 09:13

He finishes off the sandwich and goes to get dressed. Considering he is going to a shoot, he has to wear black – which is not a challenge for him, as there was a point in time in his life where black is the only colour he would wear. He picks out his black hoodie and a pair of black jeans. He considers doing his hair, but when he looks at the clock, he decides to just have his beanie pulled over his hair to hide the mess instead. He brings his own photography gear with him as well, just in case. When he is sure that he has everything that he needs with him in his messenger bag, he sets off on his bike in the direction of Laura’s studio. He has not been there for months now, but he still vaguely remembers the route to get there.

* * *

_Samstag 10:02_

He has done his best to be quick but still safe while biking on the streets and makes it to Laura’s studio barely past ten o’clock. If you ask David, it is not his fault that Laura did not tell him about the time last night, or wake him up before she decides to abandon him in the flat for the morning, making it necessary for him to rush for the studio. Laura just raises her eyebrows at David when he enters the room, David just rolls his eyes in response while setting down his messenger bag.

“What do you need me here for?” David asks, when he is within earshot of Laura, pulling off his beanie as he feels his hair getting clammy from his biking excursion.

“Just the lighting stuff and also choosing and editing the images as they come through.” Laura says while gesturing at the empty space where the person they are shooting for is supposed to be. “He was a bit late as well, so he is still changing.”

David hums, as he walks around the studio to make sure the lighting is set up correct generally for them to shoot portraits. He will just come back around to fix them again if this person is unexpectedly tall or short, but judging by Laura having said nothing, he figures the general set up should work. He also notices there is another person he does not recognise who is setting up the studio and securing the cables.

“Who’s that?” David asks as he walks back to Laura, satisfied with how the set up is.

“Oh, just the intern.” Laura says while she busies herself with the test shots for her camera.

David rolls his eyes. “I thought you said there’s no one to help you.”

Laura huffs out a laugh. “I forgot about the intern. But you are here anyway, so.”

“I’m not making dinner tonight.” David mutters, as he stalks back to the laptop, where the raw files will pop up as Laura take the pictures later, leaning back on the chair to wait for this to get started.

_David_

“Laura dragged me into the shoot you abandoned.” – 10:11

_Leonie_

“Oops! Sorry :)” – 10:12

_David_

“Hope you’re having fun with Sara.” – 10:12

_Leonie_

“Excuse you, I’m _working_ with Sara.” – 10:12

David just rolls his eyes at the message. Sure, Leonie is _working_ with Sara, if she says so. He throws his phone back on the table, just as a figure walks out from the back room towards the set. 

A boy with messy blond hair that seems styled at the same time, who has pale skin that seems to reflect so much light, who has piercing blue eyes with colours so vibrant that David can see it even when he is so far away from him. _The boy_ David saw sitting on the windowsill of the café yesterday, still with an air of mysteriousness, while the melancholy seems to have receded a bit, but it is still there if one knows to squint.

The boy whose face and aura, in general, are doing things to David’s insides. David might drop dead right there if not for the fact he is still sitting in his chair.

The boy looks _stunning_, even when he is just wearing a plain grey t-shirt and a pair of tight-fitting black jeans, now standing right in the spotlight, in the middle of the set. David cannot tear his eyes off this boy. It also throws him a little, that this boy who looked a bit scruffy in the café yesterday, is now this well-groomed person who apparently is a model who is getting his portraits taken.

Laura comes back from the pantry corner behind David, with a mug in her hand.

“Oh good! You’re ready?” Laura asks cheerfully, putting down her mug next to David’s phone after taking another sip out of it. This snaps David out of his staring. He takes a sip out of Laura’s cup to distract himself a bit, and sees Laura glaring at him when he looks back up.

He just smiles cheekily at his sister, while he pulls up the right applications on the laptop to be ready for the pictures to come through, so he can pick the good ones to work on later.

Soon enough, the studio is filled with noises of Laura’s shutter, and her prompting this beautiful boy for the shots. There is also once or twice where Laura asks the intern to fix the angle of the lighting a bit. David is focused on the pictures streaming to the screen of the laptop. He tries not to let himself be zoned out looking at the boyish yet mysterious face of this person, as he picks out the pictures which he thinks looks the best and could outline the handsome face.

After a while, all the noises stop, and it at first does not register in David’s mind He is still flipping through the pictures and trying to decide on which photos to pick, and maybe also secretly marveling at how beautiful the face is and how he can lose himself in those eyes that seem to have so much hidden behind him. He is only startled out of his musings, when Laura is suddenly by his side, picking up the mug and drinking out of it.

“Are we done?” David asks, doing his best to mask his disappointment of the possibility of it already being over.

He thinks he might have failed, judging by how a little smirk finds its way onto Laura’s face, though she says nothing about it, and just answers David’s question instead when she is done with her drink.

“He’s changing.” Laura says while sending a meaningful look towards David. “We’re doing at least three sets.”

David hums, not acknowledging whatever Laura is thinking about what he could possibly be thinking. The perils of having a sibling who would not let you live down embarrassments.

“I’m going to make another cup of tea.” Laura announces. David stands up to follow, as he can use a cup of tea as well. He runs a hand through his curls, messing them up even further.

They return a few minutes later, both with a steaming hot mug of tea in hand. David nearly drops his cup and boil himself when he sees the boy leaning against the side wall of the set. He is dressed in a tight-fitting suit that makes him look so _hot_, David thinks it should be made illegal given how it might make him die right there and then. He tries to keep his cool, while Laura being the annoying sibling, elbows lightly in David’s side and raising her eyebrows at him.

He ignores her and sits back in front of the computers, while Laura goes over to talk to the boy. David focuses back on the computer next to the laptop as he starts to expertly edit the photos he has picked out from the raw files, making the colour of the boy’s blond hair and blue eyes pop out in the photos. Has David mentioned that he thinks this boy looks stunning? And do not get him started on the suit this boy is currently dressed in.

Soon after, Laura announces they are continuing with the shoot. David presses save on the last picture he is editing and sits back to wait for the pictures to come through. It is, however, short-lived, as after a few shutter clicks, and consequently a few photos coming through on the screen, Laura stops.

“David? Can you do me a favour?” She asks.

Unsuspectingly, David perks up and raises his eyebrows in question.

“Can you help me fix Matteo’s hair? It’s looking a bit iffy.”

It takes a second to register, but it hits David what Laura is doing just as he has stood up, ready to make his way over. He glares at Laura, who has schooled her face to look innocent, looking as if she does not know what she has just done.

He groans internally, as he makes his way over, willing himself to make a fool out of himself somehow. He is not sure he is imagining it, but he swears he sees the boy, _Matteo_, widening his eyes when he sees David, and the gloomy demeanour that has been lingering around him disappearing entirely.

David is now stood in front of Matteo, as he considers his face, partly because he has to figure out how to push his hair back into place, and partly because he is making full use of this opportunity to be up so close to Matteo to look at his beautiful face.

“Let’s see…” David mutters lowly, as he reaches out to push Matteo’s hair back into place. He hopes he is not coming across as not knowing what he is doing, but he rarely fixes people’s hair himself, usually asking others to help out.

He can hear and _see_ Matteo’s breath hitch when David loses his fingers in Matteo’s hair, and it takes all willpower David has to not spontaneously combust right there and then, as he runs his fingers through his hair, pushing his _stylistically messy_ hair back out of his eye. He stands back and evaluates his own handiwork.

“Looks better.” David whispers to himself.

“Thank you.” Matteo says quietly. His voice is so soft that David might have died a little when he hears it, as he turns away and makes his way back to the corner behind a lighting rig, where the computers are.

He only dares to look back at Matteo when he is back in his seat and finds Matteo staring right back at him. David blushes and turns away, focusing back on the laptop as the room is filled with clicks of shutter again.

The rest of the shoot goes by without incident, just Matteo in several different outfits, while Laura walks around taking pictures, while David tries to pick out the pictures that look best and editing them whenever there is a break in new photos coming through.

* * *

_Samstag 11:27_

It is only a minor portrait shoot with multiple outfits, so it makes sense that it ends after roughly over an hour, but David can still not help but be a bit disappointed about this, even though technically he is not even interacting with Matteo. He just starts working on the pictures on the computer, focusing on the editing and trying not to die over how Matteo looks in the various outfits he is in, or how there is a gloomy demanour in most of the pictures, aside from a few photos when he is in that suit. David tries not to connect the dots of why it could possibly be like that.

He is nearly done with the editing when Laura comes over and stands next to him.

“How’s it going?”

“Good.” David mutters. 

David ignores Laura, as he keeps chipping away at the pile of pictures he is editing, until he hears footsteps of another person coming over, then slipping into the chair that is behind David and Laura.

Laura and Matteo chat idly about the shoot and something else, as David sporadically pays attention to what they are talking about, trying to ignore what this beautiful boy is making him feel. He still picks up on some of their conversation, including how Matteo is half-German and half-Italian, which explains his perfect German when he has an Italian name, and that Matteo is a model, or the fact that Laura has worked with Matteo before. Laura also told Matteo that he is her brother and also a photographer himself, while David is pretending not to listen.

Eventually, Laura leaves them alone and goes to pack up on her equipment. David may have unconsciously slowed down his editing speed, just so he does not preclude anything from happening. He hears rather than sees Matteo sliding the chair up next to him, angling towards the screen and David.

“Na?” He hears Matteo say.

“Hey.” David replies awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck which just highlights his awkwardness and nervousness.

“I’m Matteo,” Matteo says, holding out his hand.

“David.” David says when he shakes Matteo’s hand.

They just stare at each other for a few beats, before David starts chuckling nervously, and turns away, focusing back on the screen. He can hear Matteo mirroring his actions.

When he is finally done with the editing, with Matteo still sat next to him watching what he does, he reaches over to his bag to pull out his notebook. He notes down a few photos that he decides that does not make the cut after all, before standing up in search of a new USB that Laura uses to give the files to her clients.

He can see Matteo eyeing his messenger bag when he comes back, though he looks back at David when he hears David’s footsteps. It does not register what could possibly be so interesting about his bag, before he remembers there are two pin badges on his bag – one showing the transgender flag, the other the pansexual flag. He chances a look over at Matteo, after he has plugged in the USB, and just sees Matteo looking at him with a small smile. It is hard to guess what he is thinking though.

David picks up the energy bar he has thrown onto the table, as he is feeling a bit hungry, running on just a sandwich he has hastily thrown together in the morning, and gestures it at Matteo.

“Do you want to share?”

David figures Matteo should be feeling some hunger too, as it is nearly noon, and he does not particularly look like he has had a huge breakfast in the morning.

“Sure.” Matteo says with a wider smile on his face, wider than he has seen at any point today during the shoot. David’s heart flutters a bit, as he hands over half of the energy bar to Matteo, who pops it into his mouth quickly.

Laura comes back at this moment.

“You’re done already?” She queries.

David gestures to the screen and speaks through a mouthful of energy bar. “I have just written the files onto the USB, you can take a look.” He stands up from his chair, so Laura can sit in front of the computer and a quick look. He stands next to Matteo, sharing a quick look at each other. He swears he feels Matteo scooting closer minutely.

Laura quickly flicks through all the photos and decides she is very happy with the product, as she unplugs the USB and hands it over to Matteo. “Always a pleasure working with you.” She says with a smile.

“The pleasure is mine.” Matteo says while standing up, with his soft voice that is making David feeling things.

Both of them walk Matteo out of the studio later, Matteo throwing a quick glance over to David as he rounds the corner and steps back out to the street.

David resolutely refuses to talk about it to Laura for the rest of the time he is in Berlin. It is just a boy he has seen twice and probably would not see again ever.

* * *

**11 April 2021**

_Sonntag 17:23_

David opens the door to the flatshare of him and Abdi, having made the strenuous journey down south back to Munich, so he could be in town for classes to start back up tomorrow. He likes Abdi enough, having met him in the first year of university, when David was looking for someone majoring in Cinematography to collaborate with him on a project. They have hit it off and worked with each other a lot of projects for school since then. Abdi might be a bit chaotic, but he is a good friend and a good flatmate, except…

“David? Is that you? I’m starving!” Abdi yells from the living room, when he hears David’s footsteps in the corridor.

David enters the living room and sees Abdi stretched out on the couch, playing with a tennis ball. This is something he expects Carlos, one of Abdi’s friends that he has seen visiting Abdi would do, but not Abdi himself, but what does he know?

He just walks past Abdi into his own room, setting down his bags and goes back to the entrance of his room, leaning against the doorframe while looking at Abdi.

“You know how to cook as well.” David deadpans.

“We don’t have food in the fridge.” Abdi says mindlessly, as he continues playing with the tennis ball.

David throws his hands in the air exasperatedly. “Then how does me coming back solve the problem?”

“I don’t know. Did you not go to the supermarket?”

David rolls his eyes. His roommate is a dumbass, is the issue.

“I literally just came back from Berlin.” David mutters as he goes into the kitchen.

“We’re ordering pizza.” He announces.

“Text Jonas, make him sort out the groceries.” Abdi yells back from the living room.

* * *

_Sonntag 18:03_

This is how David finds himself in the kitchen, chopping up ingredients brought back by Jonas, the other of Abdi’s friends, while the two of them are hanging out in the living room.

David does not really mind cooking for them, as he likes to cook to take his mind off things, and he experiments a lot with food. He also does not want to take away the opportunity for Abdi to hang out with his friends, when he is living so far away from his friends.

He thinks Jonas and Carlos, the two friends David has seen visiting in Munich, are both from Berlin as well, but they all study in different cities. He is not sure, as he usually just hangs out around them when they are here, not intruding in the bonding time between friends.

David does not really have friends from back home, so he does not have the issue of being homesick about not having his friends around, and he counts that as a small blessing for himself, despite the circumstances of why this is the case in the first place.

Abdi comes into the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water.

“What have you been up to in Berlin?” Abdi asks through a mouthful of crisps.

David wipes his hand on a towel before he goes back to the pan to stir on the food.

“Just recharging my brain.” He answers, before adding nonchalantly. “And also helped my sister out on a photo shoot for a guy.”

“You don’t like doing portraits.” Abdi comments.

“I just prefer pictures of places. I don’t mind people.” David protests.

“Hm. Whatever.” Abdi dismisses the topic. “What about the film project we are going to make?”

He lights up at that, grinning at Abdi. “I have _a lot of _ideas!” Abdi groans in response, retreating from the kitchen.

“Where is Carlos, by the way?” David asks curiously at the retreating figure of Abdi.

He stills turning back to look at David like he is a deer caught in the headlights, opening and closing his mouth a few times, before turning away and continuing his retreat towards the living room.

David just chuckles in confusion, not knowing what has just happened to Abdi.

* * *

**12 April 2021**

Montag 10:07

David and Abdi are sat around the dining table of the flat, papers are strewn all across the table as the two of them discuss their film with a hushed voice, Jonas passed out on the couch a few feet away from them. David has had come up with so many ideas over the break that they are trying to comb out how they can realise the ideas and which ideas are worth keeping. It has always been a serious intellectual exercise when this happens, but David likes doing this, and Abdi always begrudgingly indulges David in this, sometimes unable to hide his marveling at David’s galaxy brain ideas.

“Is he not heading back?” David asks absentmindedly while flipping through another piece of paper.

“Oh, he’s going back to Heidelberg today I think. He does not have class today, so.” Abdi answers, after figuring out that David is asking about Jonas.

“Hm, okay. He seemed tired yesterday.” David comments, drawing a big cross over this idea he is binning.

“Being a politics student is rough, it seems.” Abdi muses.

They fall back into discussion about yet another idea after a few beats, trying to go through as many ideas as they can before they have to leave for class. He is about to wrap up and start packing up the papers when Abdi picks up one of them and inspects it closely.

“What’s up?” David asks while he continues to clean up the table.

“This face looks like someone I know.” Abdi comments, while he turns over the paper to David.

David recognises it. It is one of the many doodles he has done on this pile of paper while he was idly thinking over ideas last week. It is a drawing of someone’s face. He knows it is Matteo’s face, judging by the face of the shape and the messy hair. He groans internally, wondering how he has absentmindedly drawn this face when he did not even mean to do so, or the fact that when he has been trying very hard to ignore and forget that face over the past week.

He just grabs the paper from Abdi, putting it inside the pile as well. “I don’t know, I just draw randomly when I’m coming up with ideas.” He knows Abdi would not disagree, considering how he knows drawing is one of the big things David does when he has time.

Predictably, Abdi just hums idly in agreement, and goes to pack his bag.

“We should go soon if we don’t want to be late.” Abdi says.

David nods in agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcomed and appreciated :)


	3. Panic

**22 April 2021**

_Donnerstag 15:11_

Matteo is in a studio somewhere out in Hamburg, with his agency getting him a job to model for a major fashion house in Germany. He is out here in some sort of old warehouse that is used as the set for the shoot, promoting the summer line of this fashion brand.

He is just going through the motions, really, posing in front of the camera with a practiced set of cues to show off the apparel that is on him, then go off to the side to change out into another set of clothes, while some other model also in the shoot takes his place, posing for the camera. He does not really care for what he is wearing or who he is shooting for, as at the end of the day, it is just a job that pays sometimes.

He goes back in front of the camera, in the chaotic environment that is unfolding around him, out of shot, with many models getting into the clothes picked out for them and waiting for their turn, and some people, who he figures are some bigwigs of the brand looking at things unfold, some of them looking at Matteo who is now standing in front of the camera. He tries to zone out and tries to ignore everything that is unfolding around him as well as all the people looking at him, as well as to ignore the fact that he will probably find his face splattered around shops or advertising signs in relation to the advertising campaign of this brand.

Everything goes by a blur, really, and Matteo mostly tries to keep to himself around other people. He only puts on a happy face around other models as they chat idly when they are waiting for their turns, and now, when they are changing back to their own clothes, being finally done with the shoot. He expertly navigates himself away into the crowd of people, when he sees some representative of the brand is approaching the group Matteo is in, avoiding interactions with them.

He is mostly successful in avoiding people, until he comes face to face with his agent, a lady who is all business-like and cold, not really caring with pleasantries or anything else. Matteo does not really like her, but at the same time he is a little bit thankful that he does not have to waste more energy to pretend being interested in any conversation that she is going to strike up.

“Some big-name fashion houses have their eyes on you.” She says flatly, as Matteo comes to a halt in front of her.

“Okay.” Matteo says. More job means more money, generally, given that she has bothered to mention to him. Of course there are countless fashion houses, big and small, who are extremely stringent when it comes to paying for models. He has heard of a tale that an international brand name only offering seven hundred euros to a model for modelling for their international campaign. Even if his agent is not a likeable person, at least she has the acumen to turn down these sort of lowball offers before they even reach Matteo.

“They are making some encouraging offers. I don’t have the figures yet, but jobs are coming your way. They seem to like your vibe.”

_Matteo’s vibe_. Which is more like Matteo’s depression and sadness that is an almost constant in his life. The melancholy in his life, his sadness about what has gone down in his family, and his feeling of getting stuck at the bottom of a hole. The feeling of being lost, and not having anything to lean on, especially now when Jonas is away in Heidelberg and Abdi being in Munich, both for university. Even though Carlos is still in town, he is also mostly preoccupied by his coursework and new friends he has had made in university. Meanwhile, there is Matteo, who has not gone to university, doing modelling alongside his job at the café to make a living, while he does not generally _have a life_ aside from doing these two things and smoking weed. But whatever floats the boat.

Matteo just nods at his agent.

“One of the offers is for the Berlin Fashion Week, and there is also one for Copenhagen after it. They are not the big four, but I think if you do well in these, they would be very eager to take you to Milan or Paris.”

Matteo just continues to nod dumbly at his agent. If you ask him, he does not really know or particularly care for what happens in the fashion world. He only needs the money. What she has said bears no significance to him.

“You are aware you are very privileged that you don’t have to chase after brands to ask to model for them, right?” His agents raises her eyebrows at him.

And, okay. Maybe Matteo really does not know that it is not _easy_ for everyone. He has to placate his agent though.

“I am happy about this, of course. More opportunities and all that. It’s just, as you said my _vibe_ is like this, right?” 

His agent just rolls her eyes and dismisses him, as Matteo continues his walk to the back room, in search of his bag, so he can get out of here as soon as possible. He is exhausted from all the human interaction already, and he just wants to hide in his room for a while.

* * *

_Donnerstag 18:07_

He pushes the door to the WG open and stalks his way into the kitchen. 

He opens the fridge, and unsurprisingly finds that his shelf is empty. He knows this before he has left for the day, and he does not know why he expects to find food there when he decided to skip the supermarket and head straight for home.

He sees that there is a pack of salami on Hans’ shelf. He peeks out of the kitchen and sees there is no one in the living room, so he grabs the pack of salami and places it on the counter. He is about to take a piece of bread from the breadbox, when Hans suddenly speaks up from next to the table _inside_ the kitchen.

“Is that my salami?”

Matteo freezes mid motion, before slowly turning his head to look at Hans.

Hans comes to the counter, standing next to Matteo and patting him on the shoulder.

“It’s okay my butterfly. I know you don’t have food in the fridge. As your gay guru it is my responsibility to feed you.”

He goes over to the fridge and takes out the pack of cheese as well, before starting to make a sandwich for Matteo while he is standing next to Hans, staring at him dumbly. Hans just puts the sandwich on a plate and slides it over to Matteo when he is done.

Matteo looks away in embarrassment and mutters, “Thank you.”

Hans pulls him into a side hug and whispers, “I just want you to feel better.”

He pats his shoulder again before he retires to his own room. Matteo picks up the sandwich and eats it in silence, savouring the taste and promises to himself that he would go to the get groceries tomorrow.

He too, retires to his own room when he is done with the sandwich, settling down on the bean bag that is amongst the heaps of dirty clothes that are strewn across the floor in his room. He reaches over to the bottom of the small coffee table in his room and pulls out the small packet where he knows he has stashed his weed and starts rolling a joint with practiced ease.

He lights the joint and settles back on the recliner and tries to relax a bit after such a long day.

As he takes another drag from his joint, he thinks back to the fact that he feels lonely and stuck right now. How he feels like all his friends are moving on in life, while he is here doing jobs that he does not particularly find fulfilling or interesting. How he finds himself fall into a funk of being sad more and more often but has to drag himself out of his room to be places where his jobs require him to be. How he feels like he has no one to talk to in his life about his thoughts, now that Jonas is in Heidelberg, and he does not want to scare away Carlos with the darkness in his mind.

He thinks back to all the people who has worked on the same modelling gigs as him, and how he often feels too drained to be around them, having to put on a fake cheerful face around them. On the days he feels better, he would find himself falling into the camaraderie among the people more easily. He may even have found himself in the bed of some attractive fellow models a few times after the gigs. He likes what he feels in times like that, it was a good distraction to everything that was going on in his head. But at the end of the day it is just sex, and it is not what can solve his problems, nor what he really wants in his life – to be seen for who he is and not for how he looks like; to be understood about what he thinks and feels; and to be _loved_.

He releases another cloud of smoke into the ceiling of his room. He finds his mind drifting back to earlier in the month. On _Easter Friday_, how he finally heeded his agent’s demands of him getting some portraits of himself taken and reached out to one of the biggest studios in Berlin to have it done, since for some reason, the expenses are going to be paid by the agency. He figured he might as well go big with it. He also chose _Easter Friday_ to go to get the photos done, so he has an excuse to tell his mother than he is busy and would not be going to church with her. He knows that his mother seems to be doing better with her depression currently, but he also is not particularly keen to go back and do things with religious connotations with his mom. He might have told, or at least hinted to his friends that he is gay, but it is entirely another matter to talk to his mother about it. He also does not want to come face to face with his mother, so he can start comparing himself to her and figure out if his _sadness_ is really _depression_. He does not want to be like how his mother was.

He thinks back to the boy he saw in the studio of Laura Schreibner. _David_. The boy who dressed in all black like all the photography crew he has always seen on the shooting sets. The boy with the brown eyes, olive skin and endless curls atop his hair. The boy whose voice sounds like music to his ears. Who looks at him with such intensity that Matteo feels his soul laid bare in front of him. The kind person who gave him half of his energy bar, when Matteo did not even bother to eat breakfast that morning. How they have been awkwardly looking at one another for seconds on end. How Matteo has seen the transgender and pansexual badges on his bag.

He wants to know more about this person, to get to know who he is and his thoughts. He wants to let this person in on his mind if he happens to want to know what Matteo thinks and feels. He wants to bask in the warmth in this person’s eyes again. He wants to feel the gravitational pull towards this person again.

He wonders if he would ever see this person again. So many people, be it that he knows well, or those who he may only see once in his life, pass through his life without ever looking back. He wonders if there would ever be a person who looks back on their way through and decides to backtrack and stop in front of Matteo and stay there.

He falls asleep on the recliner, with a pair of sunglasses pulled over his eyes. Though in his mind eye, it is the face of David looking and smiling at him.

* * *

**23 April 2021**

_Freitag 11:34_

He has slept like the dead on the recliner overnight, as he finds himself waking when the time is nearly noon, despite the fact that he did not fall asleep particularly late the previous evening. He is quietly thankful that he does not have work scheduled for neither modelling nor at the café.

He rolls off the recliner and onto the floor, stretching himself out atop the heaps of dirty clothes on the floor. He is feeling marginally better this morning, and he decides he might as well gather the clothes on the floor and get them washed for once.

He sets out to clear his floor of his clothes, ignoring the rubbish and beer bottles lying around for the moment. It takes him nearly half an hour just to gather his clothes into organised heaps so he can get them to the laundry room in the WG. He has just finished putting in the first basket of his clothes into the washing machine, leaving the other two baskets by the machine, when Hans pokes his head into the room.

“Morning, my butterfly.”

“Morning, Hans.” Matteo says as he looks up to look him in the face. “Thank you for…you know, last night.”

Hans smiles lightly at him. “Don’t thank me. I just want you to feel better and care for yourself more.” He gestures at the machine. “I take it as you’re having a better day?”

He nods slightly. “Marginally.” He says honestly, while he follows Hans towards the kitchen, intent on making himself coffee. He is, however, greeted by the sight of Linn already in the kitchen, and a full mug of coffee waiting for him. Linn says nothing as she hands the cup over.

“Thank you.” Matteo says embarrassedly.

Linn just pats his shoulder as she makes her way out, back towards her room. He knows she is enlisted by Hans to help taking care of him, so he does not feel like Hans is mothering over him too much, but he says nothing about him. He grabs a piece of bread out from the bread box and starts munching at it directly, not even bothering to look for any toppings or jams to go with the piece of bread.

“I am going to get groceries.” He announces to Hans, who is at the table in the kitchen, working on his laptop, probably on the thesis for his masters or something.

Hans stops his frenzied and exaggerated typing on his laptop at the statement, then looks up at Matteo, considering him.

“Really?” He asks.

“Yeah. Text me your groceries list and I will get yours as well.” Matteo says as he makes his way to the corridor, grabbing his coat and trainers. He pats his pants to make sure he has his wallet with him.

“I will tell Linn and Ellie to text you theirs as well.” Hans yells after him.

Right. Ellie. The new roommate that has taken residence in what has previously been Mia’s room. Mia has moved out from the WG, at least for the time being, if not forever, given now that she studies in Mannheim for her business bachelors. Another reminder to Matteo how everyone in his life is moving on, while he is still stuck in Berlin, doing god knows what. He likes his new roommate well enough, who shares the habit of weed with Matteo, but he knows little of her other than that, given Matteo’s hermitic tendencies.

He decides to walk, given that the groceries store is not really that far away, and he does not particularly feel like taking the bus or pay the bus fare. The other option of taking the bike is out too, given he is going to buy for a household of four, and he does not like his odds of not crashing trying to haul a boatload of groceries with him while trying to maintain his balance on the bike.

* * *

_Freitag 14:21_

Matteo is pushing his nearly-full shopping cart towards the cashier. As expected, he is buying things like he is stocking up for an imminent natural disaster. He stops when he spots the refrigerator down the corridor towards the entrance, and a thought springs to mind. He turns his cart towards that direction and goes and pick up a pack of salami and cheese when he finds them and throws them on top of the pile of groceries, before turning back towards the cashier.

Hans did not add these two items onto his list, but Matteo figures he should buy them for Hans as a thanks for what he did for him last night, or in general, given how often Hans takes it upon himself to make sure Matteo is well-fed, even when Matteo did not ever talk about how he never has enough food on his shelf.

It is not like Matteo does not have enough money to buy food as well. He knows his bank account is reasonably healthy from his job at the café and more mainly, his modelling job that has seen him becoming more in demand by clients. Matteo is not blind, and he knows more jobs for him should mean reasonably more income, aside from the ones that he sometimes does for peanuts, which his agent says is to _build a connection_ with the prospective clients.

The real issue is that Matteo just is _sad_ way too often to be bothered to care for himself. His life is mainly consisted of café, modeling and weed. In rare days like today where he finds himself venturing out of the flat unprompted, it still takes a lot of effort on his part to do so. But self-care seems to be the order of the day, so he is going to do the best for himself, even if it is just for a short period of time.

He has just paid for the groceries with his card, and about to pick up the various bags of groceries when his phone chimes.

_Carlos_

“Luigi, want to hang out tonight?” – 14:30

Matteo is not sure if he is in the right state of mind to see his friend. He dallies over it a bit before he is at the receiving end of a glare of the cashier for still not clearing his way away from the counter, so he pockets his phone and starts his journey back to the WG.

He feels the exhaustion coming back like a wave over him when he comes back to the WG, as he sets down the bags of groceries in the kitchen. Hans is still where he has left him earlier in the day. If you ask him, Matteo is not really particularly keen on going out again today. But he also misses Carlos.

“Do you think Carlos can come for dinner tonight?” He asks Hans.

“I will make sure to prepare his serving as well.” Hans answers without even giving it a thought. He loves Hans for being so accommodating, really.

_Matteo_

“Come to the WG and have dinner with us?” – 14:47

He ends up having dinner with Carlos and his flat mates together, chatting about their current goings, while Matteo stays mostly silent, and only joining the discussion when they specifically ask about him. He thinks it is still cool though, at least he is sat in the same room with his friends, which has not really happened frequently recently.

* * *

**1 May 2021**

_Samstag 10:03_

It is May day, Matteo only realises as he clocks in for his shift at the café. He reminisces the days in high school when he would tag along with Jonas and his friends to the protests on the day. Instead, now he is stuck at work with the coworkers he finds it draining to talk to and having to serve a bunch of faceless customers with faux enthusiasm. To be fair, the alternative is himself stuck at home doing nothing, probably smoking weed again, so it is not like that is particularly a better option either. 

Thankfully, he is on the coffee machine today, so at least he does not have to man the cashier and _cheerfully_ greet every single patron coming into the café, particularly on a weekend morning, and particularly on a day where there might be even more people on the streets than usual. He falls into the mindless routine of manning the coffee machine and make it spit out different types of coffee, and injecting different spices into the coffee, as the orders are passed along to him. On occasion, he also has to open the display fridge and pick out the cakes and pastries of the customers’ desires to have them go with the coffee. He also has to call out the orders as they become ready, so they can be retrieved by the patrons. He wonder if there would be a day when the only language he speaks is _caramel macchiato with pumpkin spice_ and _almond-milk latte_ if he keeps going like this. He feels more like a robot than a person, working here.

To be fair, even when he is working as a model, he does not feel like a person. He is rather a moving clothing rack that shows off the clothes on his body, with the occasional person on set that looks at him hungrily that makes him want to shower ten times to get rid of the feeling of unsettlement.

He just wants to find more meaning in his life, if he can ever first shake the feeling of sadness pulling him down a hole.

His shift goes by in a flash, and Matteo has long lost track of how many cups of coffee and how many plates of pastries and cakes he has served for the day or how many patrons has come through the door since his shift has started. Not that any of those are of any significance. It is just another part of his colourless life that he has long been accustomed to. What is really new there? Nothing.

* * *

**14 May 2021**

_Freitag 12:21_

Matteo really has a knack for taking up gigs right as religious holidays are happening, this time for the Ascension Day long weekend. This time he is not even going to be in Berlin for it, so there is reasonably no excuse for his mother to try to get him to go to church with her, when he is hundreds of kilometres down south, in Munich, for another gig for another fashion brand.

It is just him this time though, as his agent has told him that the brand has specifically asked for _Matteo Florenzi_ and not anyone else for their campaign. She also told him that this job is going to pay good money, and encouraged him to take it up, so he took it with both of his hands as an excuse to flee Berlin.

He sees a familiar face, just as he steps out of the corner where all the outfits he is going to showcase are. _Laura Schreibner_. Matteo figured she is a big-name photographer given how her studio is literally one of the biggest in Berlin, and how his agent scowled at him when the bill for the shoot has come through, and nonetheless complimented how _good_ the photos looked. What he has not realised though, is that _Laura Schreibner_ is literally one of the best photographers in Germany, if not in Europe, who only normally works with the biggest brands and magazines. He has read about it after the scowling incident, which really hits home what his agent meant when she said it is a _big gig that he should take_, seeing Laura here.

She walks over to greet Matteo, as he sees a few assistants are getting the lighting and reflective boards ready for the shoot.

“Didn’t know it would be you.” Laura says with a smile in lieu of a greeting.

“Could have stayed in Berlin otherwise, eh?” Matteo jokes lightly. He is in a relatively lighter mood today.

“As if those guys will ever bother to travel up north just to accommodate us.” Laura whispers conspiratorially.

Matteo wonders if Laura always jokes about her clients like this, or if there is a specific reason why she is like this to him.

He just chuckles in response as Laura schools her face back into the professional big-name photographer and picks up the camera.

Matteo relaxes back into his resting melancholic face – as his agent has described, as the bright lights start flashing and the shutter sounds fills the room, him responding to Laura’s cue to change his poses, and goes to the corner to change into another outfit when she is satisfied with the output, shown to her by an assistant on the laptop. It is not David, Matteo notes disappointingly.

One thing about modelling in photo shoots that is better than working in a café, Matteo figures, is that he does not have to talk and please anyone when he is in front of the camera, or on the runway. He can just be blank and go along the motion, doing what everyone else who models do – set his jaws and “_look pretty_” in front of the camera, or walk that particular walk that models walk. And behind the scenes, he is relatively expert when it comes to navigating himself away from unwanted interactions from the various stylists, brand representatives, bigwigs and everyone else. Usually because he can use other people as his shield to slip away.

Which makes it a bit tricky today, given it is really just him and a bunch of people who work on set. He is slowly changing back out of the last set of clothes and back into his own clothes, trying to formulate a plan of escape, in case someone tries to talk to him, lest it turns into something he does not want. He knows how this industry is.

He still does not have a good plan of what to do, and when he exits the makeshift changing room, he curses himself. A man, who he recognises as an executive from this brand he is shooting for is standing just a few paces away and appears to be _talking _to one of the stylists. What he really is doing though, is _leering _at Matteo. He feels his blood run cold, as he tries to find a way to get out of this. He is out of options though.

“Hey,” the man reaches out as Matteo is about to slip around the pair. Matteo stops, as he is always told not to _upset_ their clients.

“You did _very well _today.” The man says, while Matteo is pretty sure he is checking him out. He is extremely uncomfortable in this situation and is looking around behind the man to try to look for an escape. He belatedly realises the stylist has left them alone. _Fuck_.

“Uh, thank you.” Matteo mutters, as he tries to look for an excuse to move away.

The man is about to say something more, when suddenly a hand grabs hold of his arm, pulling him away from the corner. He might have had a whiplash turning over to figure who in the world is pulling him, but realises it is _Laura_.

“Sorry, _Herr Kramer_, I have something to discuss with your model about the shoot.” Laura says apologetically, as she quickly pulls Matteo away from the situation.

They have made all the way to the other end of the set, to where Laura’s crew is, until Laura lets go of him. He knows she has saved him.

“Thank you.” Matteo whispers, as he looks away.

“Don’t.” Laura says bitterly. “I absolutely despise that kind of people.”

She shakes her head before she looks back at Matteo. “Try to look after yourself? You don’t know what could have happened.”

Matteo smiles wryly. “You know we are pretty much powerless in these situations. I have heard enough stories about it.”

So yeah, another downside to modelling that he has neglected to think of when he thinks over about the good and bad of his jobs. He has always been aware of this and always tries to navigate himself away from anyone who works on set, just because of this.

Laura shakes her head, knowing as well as Matteo does that what he has said is true. “Do you want to go with us?”

“My agent won’t be happy, if _Kramer_ is complaining.” Matteo subtly gestures at the man who is _fucking_ looking at him from across the building.

That, if nothing else, just hardens Laura’s resolve. She turns over to her assistant. “Tell his agent we are bringing him with us, to discuss something, doing shoots or whatever. Make up a reason. Offer them a free shoot if you can’t think of a better reason.”

She then turns over to Matteo. “Come with me. What are they going to do? Never work with me again? Tough sell.” She all but drags Matteo with her as they exit the building.

They end up sitting in a café somewhere near the set, as Matteo talks to Laura about how he does not really care for what or where he is modelling for, and him listening to Laura talk about the photography jobs she has worked on, as well as things that she has seen on the job over the years.

At one point, a figure plops sets a cup of coffee down next to Laura.

“Fancy seeing you here, who’s this…” The person says, as he pauses when he sees Matteo. Matteo also stops breathing when he sees who this person is.

_David Schreibner_. In Munich.

“Na?” Matteo says.

This snaps David into motion, as he completes the motion of sitting down next to Laura.

“Hey.” David breathes out.

This sends Matteo’s brain into disarray, on top of what he has just experienced earlier, and in his panic, he stands up and gestures at his phone.

“I have to go – gotta catch a train.”

He hastily bids farewell to Laura and David, before making a beeline for the train station, waiting until his agent arrives at the station. She sends him a look.

“How did you get Laura Schreibner to offer to do portraits for free for you next time you need to?” She asks, genuinely curious.

“I don’t know, I guess we kind of get on?” Matteo lies. He knows it is what Laura is willing to do to help him or anyone she finds in the same position.

His agent seems satisfied and leads him to the train they are taking to get back to Berlin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcomed and appreciated :)


	4. Baby Steps

**5 July 2021**

_Montag 19:15_

The semester goes by in a blink of the eye. David has had a successful semester where he did very well in his classes, and his projects being well received by both the faulty and his fellow students. Summer comes around the corner in place of the chilly winter/spring weather, and he finally has at least two months of freedom without classes and school obligations to allow him to recharge and look for new inspirations for his own creative processes.

He has taken on photography gigs and some design work in the little pockets of free time during the semester, growing his portfolio of artwork and also making decent money to cover his expenses. He is quite thankful that universities are tuition-free here, so he does not have to work more intensive and maybe mundane jobs just to make sure he can stay in school.

He has been back in Berlin for around a week, mostly living on a routine of having a morning run and have the rest of the day being dictated by his search of inspiration and creative process. This entails a lot of sketching, photography and simply exploring places at a slower pace, looking for small details in life which people do not normally pay attention to.

Laura has also mentioned the Berlin Fashion Week in early July soon after he returned home and said that there would always be papers and magazines looking for pictures from the show, so on a whim David went and got his accreditation under the name of Laura’s studio. He figures he may as well try and make some extra money to spend if he happens to come back with pictures that some photo agencies or publications would like to pick up. It is not easy money to be made though, at least not easier than working on his usual gigs, as he finds himself right in the midst of a scrum in the venue.

David is one that pays attention to fashion trends. While he does not necessarily think the things worn on the runway in fashion shows would translate into daily clothing, he sometimes pays attention to the Big Four fashion weeks, and he also vicariously knows of the media scrum that surrounds these events because of that. While this is not a Paris or a Milan, the event is still very crowded. The seats lining the runway is still filled with audience, and at the end of the runway – where David is stood right now – is still filled with a crowd of photographers. It is quite messy, if you ask David, given how photographers jostle for their best angles to take a photo of the model on the runway. When you are like David, whose stature is slightly smaller than the average person, it means you are more vulnerable to the loose elbow and the push to the side from fellow photographers trying to make more space for themselves. David finds himself taking pictures with his feet planted firmly to the ground and elbows outstretched, after a few failed attempts when the show started given the chaotic mess that is happening around him.

In the darkness of the venue, the only brightness is emanating from the runway, which naturally is the focus of everyone in here. Models walk down one by one in a similar pace, showing off the fashion concepts of the designers of the brand that is headlining this show. David is in his groove, having found a good position for himself near the middle in the end of the runway, surrounded by tens of cameras. The shutter noises go off around him relentlessly, including those from David’s own, every time a new model walks down the runway.

His concentration breaks, when he sees something through the viewfinder of his camera. He still continues pressing the shutter button with his natural reflex, but his brain starts kicking into high gear, when the guy comes closer into view, and it registers in his mind why it alerts his brain so much.

Walking straight at him is the blond hair with an undercut, styled in a way that looks intentionally messy; piercing blue eyes that look so prominent in the darkness, shining in the spotlight; the eyes with the same hard and mysterious expressions; the face with the same distance and melancholy on it. He is walking in a way that fits right in with all the models that came before him, and those who would come after him – wildly different from how David remembers seeing him walking: with a slight drag behind him. It is as if the Matteo on the runway is like another persona on stage that is different from the one he remembers seeing that time in Laura’s studio, and the one time he briefly exchanged words with in that café in Munich.

Speaking of which, he is still none the wiser about what the hell went down that afternoon in Munich – why Matteo was in the café with Laura when David is meant to meet up with his sister, nor why Matteo freaked out so much pretty much as soon as David shows up. He tried to literally shake information out of Laura but to no avail, and he still does not understand how that situation could feasibly have occurred in the first place.

Matteo disappears as soon as he shows up, and the next model steps onto the runway, and the focus of David’s camera turns to the them, again joining in the chorus of shutter noises with all the photographers around him. Like all the other models walking, Matteo also shows up a few times more over the course of the show. David every time loses a bit concentration when Matteo comes into view, as he cannot get over the melancholy, mysteriousness and gravitational pull from Matteo that intrigues him a lot, as well as how he is simultaneously stunning and spot. He also cannot shake the memory of the brief moments of him seemingly having some sort of connections with Matteo in the short interactions between them that day when David was in Laura’s studio. He is also reminded of the fact that he does not really _know _Matteo, and that they only have exchanged a few words. But he wants to know and understand more about Matteo.

Before David is even aware of it, the show is already ending, with all the models coming out together for the last round on the runway – and moments later the audience start leaving and filing out of the venue. David breathes a sigh of relief, as he no longer feels claustrophobic in the scrum of photographers, and he can finally breathe some fresher air without anyone in close quarters with him. He sits down on a chair nearby, beginning to pack up his equipment. In the back of his mind, he thinks he wants to go and reach out to Matteo – if nothing else try to understand what has gone down on that day in Munich that caused him to run as soon as he sees David. But at the same time, he does not know if it is appropriate to do so as well.

* * *

Matteo has scurried to the side to change out of his last outfit for the runway and quickly changing back to his own clothes, while he is still in conversation with some of his fellow models who are doing the same as him at the moment. Tiredness and bitchiness is an overarching mood in the back stage, as behind the scenes there are always chaos and accidents happening away from the watchful eye of the audience – plus it is not exactly a chill job to work when you have to get changed at the speed of light with the help of multiple people into another outfit as soon as you return from the runway just to go out again. Of course, there will always be a few others who are a bit more in the mood and up for _activities_. As busy as the schedule of everyone working in the industry is, it is difficult to coordinate who you meet or maybe have fun with – so everything is spontaneous, as Matteo sees two guys pairing off and sneaking away from the main group. He knows what they are up to, as he has been in their position a few times as well. He does not particularly feel anything today though, and also, he is not exactly comfortable with the idea of being seen doing this by someone he knows from before this life of modeling.

Said person slides up next to him, when he walks off from the group of models with his small bag to nearer the entrance of the backstage, as he tries to look for his shoes in the massive mess on top of the fact the venue is still not well-lit at the moment.

“I would never have you down as someone who models.” Sam says, as she sucks on a one of those lollipops she always has with her and looking around.

Matteo straightens himself from his search for his shoes and turns over to Sam.

“It’s an accident.” He gestures vaguely, before enquiring, “Why are you here?”

Sam turns back and points at the women’s clothing racks on the side. “I am interning for this brand.”

It is only now Matteo remembers Sam is studying fashion at the Berlin University of the Arts, which makes sense if she wants to gain some hands-on experience in the industry already. He hums in acknowledgement, before spotting his pair of shoes in the middle of the pile. He reaches over to retrieve it. Just as he is about to walk off to the side to put his shoes on, Sam speaks up again.

“Do you see that guy out there?” Sam asks, gesturing at a figure sitting in the seats intended for the audience.

“Hm?” Matteo hums in response as he looks over.

Matteo thinks he is a photographer, judging by the fact he is currently in the process of putting one of those camera bags he sees often used by the photographers into a backpack.

He does not really see what this person looks like, until said person raises his head, having finished packing the camera bag away. The light from the spotlight on the runway illuminates the face. It accentuates the strong jaw line, as well as the olive skin and the curls atop the head. He knows this face.

_David_. Laura’s brother. He remembers the day in Berlin again. He remembers how he took his breath away when he first saw David that day; how he has felt the brief moments of connection between them; how he shown a small gesture of kindness to Matteo and how he thinks David looks at him _different_ from any other people he has come across in the past few years.

While Matteo is processing this information, Sam starts again, unaware of the thoughts going through his head. “He’s cute.”

“I know him.” Matteo mutters as he hastily pulls on his shoes. He makes the split-second decision to go over. “I’ll see you around.” He tells Sam as he crosses the threshold and starts to walk over. He comes to a stop right in front of David, and it is only then he realises he does not have a plan on what to do.

* * *

David hears footsteps approaching him and stopping in front of him. He turns over to the source of the noises and comes face to face with Matteo. Matteo is just awkwardly standing there and looking at him, like he does not know what he is doing at this moment.

He stands up and greets Matteo with a head tilt. “Hey.”

Matteo breaks the eye contact briefly and scratches the back of his neck. “Na?”

“Didn’t expect to see you here.” David says as a conversation starter, as he cannot think of anything better to say right in this moment. He offers Matteo a small smile.

“I’m walking for this brand, but you can probably tell.” Matteo says with his soft voice. “What are you doing here?”

“Just taking pictures of the whole show and see if there are any takers for my pictures. Just a way to make some money.” David shrugs, saying truthfully. It did not even cross his mind that Matteo could possibly show up here.

Matteo searches his face for a moment. David does not know what he is looking for, but evidently, he makes up his mind after a beat. “Do you want to…” he pauses for a moment, seemingly searching for the right words. “…go and have dinner with me?”

This catches David a little off-guard, considering the fact that Matteo made a run for it the last time they came face to face. Not that this has become an obstacle for David’s desire to get to know him better. He is already getting more than he has ever asked for.

“Sure.” David affirms, the encouraging smile is still on his face, and Matteo finally mirrors his smile a little bit, as he gestures to a hidden corridor at the side of the venue, beckoning David to follow him.

David figures it is not intended to be used as a way to get in or out of the venue, considering how it is hidden behind moveable black screens, and how there is literally no one else in here. They eventually reach a door. Matteo pushes it open, peaking out between the gap, before gesturing for David to follow him into an alleyway behind the venue. He follows Matteo through a few alleyways before they find themselves back on the surface streets, and Matteo hails a taxi and both of them get in.

Matteo tells the driver the address of wherever they are going, before turning over to David to whisper, “Had to dodge those people.”

Matteo nods towards a huge crowd of people on the sidewalk as the taxi turns onto the main street, and David realises it is the main entrance to the venue of the show. He turns back over to Matteo and raises his eyebrows.

Matteo gets David’s silent query. “They’re not here for me. But I just don’t want to show up in front of them.”

For a person who makes a living on exposure, Matteo seems to be one that hates it. David is a bit intrigued about why that would possibly be the case, considering how natural Matteo looked both on the runway as well as in front of the cameras, that time David was in Laura’s studio. He does not push though, as Matteo does not further elaborate on his sentiment.

He notices there is a smudge of make up on Matteo’s face that is not properly wiped off, which is now exposed by the flicker of street lights that pour into the car one after the other as the car drives down the street. He points that out to Matteo, who sighs and pulls out some cotton pads and something what David recognises as what people use to remove their makeup and starts applying them onto the cotton pads.

Matteo starts to try wiping his face with the pad, but David can tell he is not getting every bit of the colors on his face. Without thinking it over, he reaches out and asks, “May I?” while gesturing at the pad in Matteo’s hands.

It only registers in David’s brain that he has effectively asked if he could touch Matteo’s face, when Matteo’s eyes widen a little bit and he pauses what he is doing. After a tense few seconds, Matteo nods a bit stiffly and hands over the pad to David. In the confines of his seatbelt, David scoots a bit closer and starts wiping at the places where he sees the makeup not being removed properly, the other hand lightly tilting Matteo’s face so he can have a better look and access to places he needs to clean up. He resolutely ignores the fact that he is actually touching Matteo’s face or how intimate this situation can be seen as. When he is eventually done, wiping down Matteo’s face, he hands back over the supplies to Matteo and sits back in his seat.

“Thanks.” Matteo whispers over the soft rumble of the taxi.

“It’s nothing.” David dismisses, thankful that in the darkness the blush on his face is not visible, and thus not giving away how affected he is by what he has just done.

The taxi rolls to a halt a few moments later, stopping outside an Italian diner. Matteo refuses when David moves to take out his wallet. “I asked you.”

He pays the taxi driver and both of them get out of the taxi and straight into the diner, escaping the hot summer night. The place is a bit out of the way, David figures, judging by the duration of the taxi ride, as well as how it is not exactly crowded in here. Though he realises it is already quite late in the evening when he checks his watch. They go and sit down in a booth by the window.

“You’re Italian?” David asks as sort of a joke as he picks up the menu, going off the fact that Matteo has an Italian first name and how they are now sat inside an Italian diner.

Matteo winces minutely, and David momentarily thinks he somehow has ruined something already before it even started and is about to apologise about the apparently ill-timed joke, when Matteo recovers and answers, “Half Italian and Half German, though it does not show in my name.”

David cocks an eyebrow at that.

“Matteo _Florenzi_.” Matteo says with mild amusement as he holds out his hand, as if they are introducing themselves to each other again.

David takes the hand. “David _Schreibner_.”

“Knew that already.” Matteo chuckles as he remarks.

Their conversation goes from there, as they talk about some of the more superficial things about themselves – Matteo talking about his recent modeling work as well as his other job at the café; David telling Matteo that he is actually studying in a film school, and photography is just something he does to make some money on the side. He also tells Matteo about some of his recent film projects and some other concepts he has been thinking about. Matteo is reserved in their interactions, as David can still see the melancholy emanating from him, but he listens to what David has to say intently and often throws in the odd comment here and there with his soft voice.

They learn more about each other – what their favourite food is; what colour do they like most; are they a cat or a dog person and all other benign little details about the other, while David resolutely avoids making mention of the fact that Matteo was on the runway mere hours ago, as he figures that it might be a bit awkward talking about it as a photographer who literally just took pictures of Matteo on the runway without him even knowing – and that they did not know each other well, if at all, before they find themselves sat face to face in this booth, and he wants to focus on getting to know Matteo rather than talk about where they have been just now.

“Do you have Instagram, by the way?” Matteo asks, through a mouthful of food, as they have both already consumed more than half of their respective dinners.

David hums in thought, at ease with the light and benign mood of their conversation, as he unlocks his phone and slides it over to Matteo. It has David’s Instagram account page open. He takes a sip from the juice he has ordered for himself. The phone comes back to him a moment later.

He can see the top item in his activities list.

_matteoflorenzi_ has requested to follow you.

David moves his finger over to press the accept button, before clicking on the follow back button as well. They fall back into conversation after this, as Matteo starts talking about his _plans_, or rather, his busy scheduling for the upcoming months leading up to the bigger fashion events that are slowly creeping closer around the corner.

The topic of discussion has wildly gone off the rails, later when David checks his phone and sees that it is pushing towards 11pm, and he also sees the waiter peeking at them, probably wondering if they are going to clear out anytime soon. Matteo seems to also pick up on this though, as he stands and goes over to pay the bill, shaking his head slightly when David tries to protest.

Both of them find themselves standing outside the diner, not looking at each other, but neither are willing to be the first one to part ways to the other. Just as Matteo is about to say something, David gathers up the courage to ask Matteo.

“Can I have your number?”

David does not know if he is going to be coming on a bit too strongly, but he just sees Matteo’s eyes widening a bit, before gesturing at David’s phone. David hands it over, and Matteo types on it before returning it to him. On screen he can see a contact saved as _Matteo_.

“Text me later and I will have your number.” Matteo says, using his perpetually soft voice. He scratches his neck a bit. “It’s getting late, I should probably go.” He gestures at the direction that David knows is not the same as the way he knows he can walk back to his flat.

“I probably should too.” David agrees. He pats Matteo on the forearm, “Take care, and thank you for tonight.” He says with a small smile, which is mirrored by Matteo. They look at each other for one last time, before they both turn and go on their separate ways.

* * *

**8 July 2021**

_Donnerstag 11:23_

The fashion week in Berlin is still raging on, and one of the biggest problems it caused for David is how it absolutely wrecked his sleep schedule, with shows mostly taking place late in the evening. This means that it is usually early hours of the next day when David can finally let his back hit the bed, having picked out the pictures from the evening and done some quick edits on them before sending them off to the photo agencies; then finally taking a shower and having dinner if he had not eaten earlier in the evening.

This also renders David’s habit of having his early morning runs impossible, as it is hardly probable nor healthy to wake up just a few hours after you have fallen asleep and exert yourself in the hot summer morning. Which is how David finds himself just coming out of the shower after a short run, with the clock already way past 11 in the morning.

His hair is still dripping with water as he sits down in his room in front of his laptop, still trying valiantly to dry his curls with the towel. He wonders if he should start taming his curls and straighten them again. He throws the towel onto his bed as he opens up his laptop, trying to figure out what to work on for the day, having decided he would pass up on the day’s show for the fashion week in favour of recuperating for a bit.

Before he can decide on what to do though, the email app on his laptop chimes, and he clicks on it to check what has come into his mailbox overnight. He starts scrolling from the oldest, and sees a few of the usual, but then there is also this email from the photo agency he is working with. He clicks on the email and finds out that it is a summary of the usage of his photos from the past few days. He figures it will not be something too significant, only to find that the list of his photos being used by various media organisations is _long_. He pulls up the banking app on his phone and finds that his bank account has grown a bit more in size.

He tabs back out from the email and keeps scrolling to see there are quite a few emails from various people asking him about his availability for possible photoshoots or related gigs. He checks all the rest of his emails, so he can filter out which are possible gigs, and which are benign and mundane emails that bears not too much importance. He is about to start checking his schedules and looking into the details of these jobs, when his computer chimes again, and he sees there is another email that has just come in.

He clicks on it as soon as he sees the title. It is an email about possibly having David and his group of friends directing and producing an advert for a municipal transportation company. He disregards all the other emails and launches into finding out how he could possibly fit this into his schedule before even giving a thought to the photography gigs which could possibly pay better.

Laura told him she is very happy for him when he texted her later about it, having talked to his friends and they all have collectively decided to take on the job.

* * *

_Donnerstag 21:12_

David is lying on his bed relaxing and relishing the fact that he is not in a huge crowd of photographers jostling for position, when his phone chimes on his stomach. He puts the book he is reading to the side and picks it up, expecting it to be probably Abdi annoying him about the advert deal again, if it is a text.

What shows up on his screen though, is a text from Matteo.

_Matteo_

“Do you happen to be shooting tonight?” – 21:12

It has still not properly registered in his mind yet that he has exchanged numbers with Matteo, and that over the past few days they have been texting sporadically. It is mostly about what they have been doing at that particular moment, and sometimes Matteo sending David some dumb memes that makes David smile as well as wonder how this so _sad_ looking boy is the same person that seems to have such a taste for memes.

_David_

“I’ve decided to take tonight off.” – 21:13

_Matteo_

“Oh. I was wondering since I don’t see you around here.” – 21:13

Matteo was on the runway tonight, and out of all nights, David chose tonight to be lazy and take a break. He groans internally. He tells himself that he and Matteo are just newly formed friends, if they can call that, but it does not help stopping the tiny tingles inside himself every time Matteo reaches out to him through text, however sporadic it has been through the past few days. If nothing else, he just wants to get to know this boy better, and see where they can go from there, if that is even a possible step.

He ignores the fact that Matteo has essentially texted and asked if he had missed him in the venue when he did not find David around after the show. It is just a friend wondering if his friend is around and nothing more, he convinces himself.

_David_

“Had a good show?” – 21:14

_Matteo_

“Nothing went wrong, which is a plus I guess.” – 21:15

They text back and forth for the rest of the night, with David’s book all but forgotten by his side, and David finds a smile finding its way to his face more often than he thinks is possible as he texts with Matteo. Laura pokes her head into the room to ask David about something, but he is too engrossed with his phone to even properly understand Laura’s question, who just huffs and leaves David alone. He does not think about the fact how Matteo amuses him so much simply through text, or the fact that texting is a two-way street – which means Matteo is also abandoning or ignoring whatever he is doing and just texts as incessantly as David is doing right now. Matteo only leaves him alone when it is already nearly midnight and tells David he has finally gotten home is probably going to crash directly into his bed.

_David_

“Any chance I will see you tomorrow or Saturday?” – 23:31

_Matteo_

“I am done for Berlin, so probably no :( ” – 23:31

_David_

“Shame.” – 23:32

_Matteo_

“Hopefully we’ll cross paths again soon though” – 23:33

“Anyway, goodnight David” – 23:33

_David_

“Sweet dreams, Matteo.” – 23:34

David falls asleep with a dumb smile on his face.

* * *

**28 July 2021**

_Mittwoch 19:04_

David’s summer falls back into a normal rhythm after the madness of Berlin Fashion Week, which has been quite successful him as a photographer. This is not to say that the rest of his summer has been uneventful so far, as he takes advantage of the free time to develop more on his film ideas, to do more drawings that he has been too busy to finish. He has also gone to explore the quiet and abandoned places in and around Berlin, like he has always liked to, now that he has more time to himself. He has always brought his camera with him, as he wants to capture the beauty of these places and immortalise the atmosphere these places carry, most of the times reminding him of a younger self. He has grown past that stage, but it is nonetheless still part of him, and will always be part of him. 

He has also worked on the filming for the commercial recently, traveling out of town with Abdi and other friends to that city to work on the filming. It was a different experience, as a commercial would not last more than fifteen or thirty seconds, which is still way shorter than the short films they would produce in film school. It was a rewarding experience though, as they all relished and enjoyed the process, and just yesterday the team has finished editing together the final product, sending it off to their client and received high compliments from them, as well as the promised pay off.

After days of hard work on this commercial, as well as the odd photography jobs that David has worked into his schedule recently, he figures he can do with a proper break for a while. That is how he finds himself dragged along by Abdi to meet up with Jonas and Carlos and their friends, now that Abdi’s friends are all back in Berlin.

They are lounging in a house that is Hanna’s. Hanna is Jonas’ girlfriend, and David has met her once or twice, since getting to know Jonas and the rest through Abdi, though he knows Abdi and Jonas best, because he lives and studies with one, and Jonas visits more often than Carlos, and the rest he only sees if he tags along to their meet ups. Even then, David does not know all of them, as Abdi tells him that there is always someone who is not in town.

For example, this time he is introduced to Mia Winter, who seems to be a close friend of Hanna’s, and is currently sat between Hanna and Amira, as she tells them stories about something, she encountered in the past months studying in Mannheim, if David has caught it correctly. He is not exactly paying attention, as he is in engaged in a very deep discussion about social justice with Jonas, as he usually does, knowing that Jonas shares a passion with him about these issues, as well as the fact that Jonas is a politics student who seems to have a really deep knowledge about a lot of the issues they talk about.

The doorbell rings and Carlos, who is unusually quiet lately uses that as an excuse to get up and go to the door. A few moments later, a girl with neon blue hair coming through the corridor. Carlos introduces her to David.

“Hey David, this is Sam.” Then he turns to Sam, “David, Abdi’s flat mate. They’re in the same film school.”

Sam looks over to David, and her eyes light up in some sort of recognition that David is unaware of, “I think I saw you during the fashion week? Matteo said he knows you.”

Suddenly all eyes are on David.

He fidgets a little. “Matteo Florenzi?”

Jonas is suddenly shaking him by his shoulders. “Bro! You know Luigi? Why have you never told us?”

“Luigi?”

“They left together that day Matteo was walking for my brand.” Sam supplies the information to the interested group.

“I never knew Matteo is friends with you lot?” David replies.

“It is just very hard to get hold of him these days, I don’t know.” Jonas shrugs and says sadly.

Sam slips into the group as they resume their hangout with pizza and movies shortly after, though at some point their topic of discussion turns to the fact that how they never thought Matteo modeling is something as serious as they ever imagined, now that he is actually walking in fashion shows, and also the fact that David somehow knows Matteo as well by chance.

At some point, when they pause the movie to stretch and put away the empty pizza boxes as well as grabbing a new round of beer, Jonas makes David open up his website that showcases his portfolio of pictures on Hanna’s laptop. The lot huddles around the laptop and looks at the several pictures of Matteo that David has decided to put on his portfolio.

The thought process might have included David thinking which of the pictures he thinks best shows how handsome Matteo is and whether his blue eyes stand out in the picture. Not that David would divulge this information to his (and apparently Matteo’s) friends and revealing how he has feelings about Matteo.

When they are done tripping over about how the _stoner boy_ of a friend actually looking stunning in David’s photos, they settle back and finish the rest of the movie. Before they leave for the night, with the clock pushing midnight, Jonas pulls David aside.

“Hey, uh, if you see Matteo can you tell him we miss him?”

“Okay?” David says, with mild confusion.

“Yeah, we all text him but he just participates in the group chat or reply from time to time. And we rarely see him even when we meet up these days.”

“If I see him, I will tell him. I don’t know if we will cross paths again though.” David promises to Jonas.

* * *

The rest of the summer passes by in a blink of an eye, and David finds himself back in Munich before he knows it and starts his final year at the film school. As they hurtle towards the end of their life as university students, they find their workload become heavier than usual. David and Abdi are also sucked into the spiral that is the production of their final film project, which would be the longest and most comprehensive film they would be making in their university life. Free time becomes more of a rarity as time goes on, and David finds himself only being able to occasionally go out of town and do some photography in the nature or abandoned places, and otherwise being too busy to take on photography or directing gigs.

When Christmas rolls around, David decides to stay in Munich, not even bothering to travel up north. He just stays home a lot and works on the ideas for his film project as well as getting back to his habit of morning runs, having lost it somewhere along the line of his chaotic film school student life. On days that he does not feel like working, he ventures out to smaller Bavarian towns nearby, and explores them, just him and his camera. It is a good way to clear his mind. Abdi suddenly disappears a few days into their winter break and would not reemerge until a few days classes are due to start up again. David tried to ask what happened, but he gets nothing in response, but just seeing Abdi to be even lighter and happier than his usual slightly dumb demeanour. He later sees a picture on Carlos’ instagram that shows the two of them hanging out somewhere in Spain, and David cannot help but wonder if that is the cause of Abdi’s lightness.

On the Matteo side of things, they still text sporadically. Though between David’s hectic life as a film student and Matteo’s…whatever Matteo is up to recently, the texts come even more sporadically than before. Not that David thinks Matteo owes him anything as they are just friends, and David being busy also contributed to their reduced contact. David though, sees Matteo’s Instagram account updating regularly. He notices that most of the posts are photos taken of Matteo at different events, usually with captions that talks about whatever event he was at or whatever brand he was working with. He also notices that Matteo’s followers count has been growing steadily. Judging by the fact that he sees posts that talks about Milan and Paris fashion week, Matteo’s stature as a model probably has grown quite a lot since David last saw him in Berlin.

He also has a hunch though, that this Instagram account is actually Matteo’s finsta rather than his personal account, if he has one, judging by how _impersonal_ the posts this account has. It makes sense though, as a public figure to have an account that is catering to the public. He just finds it a bit hurtful? When it is Matteo who asked to follow David’s Instagram account and only gets a finsta in return. Not that he thinks Matteo owes him anything though, again, they are really just friends who have not met for too long.

* * *

**1 February 2022**

_Dienstag 14:44_

Sometimes Matteo questions the value of going halfway across the country just to have a photoshoot. But the expenses are paid for, and the payoff of this job is not bad as well, so he is not really questioning it, even though he had to endure a long train ride from Berlin to Cologne and would have to do the return trip later in the week as well.

He guesses it makes sense to do this when the brand he is shooting for is going for promotional material that is customised for the cities or states that they are intended for. It just does not seem too smart to spend so much money or effort to do this when you can probably do it with a green screen, but what does Matteo know? He just sits in the car that brings him around the city, gets out and have pictures of him in the attire of the brand taken in front of some landmarks of the city, like the Kölner Dom, the RheinEnergieStadion and the Hohenzollernbrücke. They are also meant to be doing something similar in places like Bonn, Düsseldorf and Dortmund, though he is not sure when and where that would happen over the next few days, but he is carted around like a mannequin anyway.

He thinks he can now call this a career of his own? Since the first shows on the runway at Berlin and Copenhagen, he seems to have gained some traction and jobs starts to flow in a bit more often. Then Milan and Paris happened too, and now he is suddenly a sought-after model who brands wish to work with. He does not really see what is so special about himself, he is just a sad stoner boy with a slim body and untamable messy blond hair, but he will roll with this nonetheless as he is not exactly going to say no to jobs that are evidently paying better than his other job at the café, which he has all but quitted, seeing that he has not have shifts scheduled for more than a month. Though admittedly the life of being a model is not exactly easy either, as aside from looking “pretty” in front of the camera he also finds himself increasingly required to put on a fake-interested face and talk to brand representatives and entertain them to build a relationship with them for future jobs, as his agent said he has to do so. At least nothing bad has happened since that time in Munich.

He sighs, as he gets out of the car after getting changed, readying himself up for another few pictures at the next “iconic place” in the city.

* * *

**4 February 2022**

_Freitag 13:07_

Instead of hopping on a train and travelling back east to Berlin, Matteo finds himself on the train going further west, right up to the border of the country in Aachen. He looks at the address texted to him to make sure he is at the right place. He slips into the café and then into the empty seat at the table that is covered in stacks of paper. 

“Na?” Matteo greets.

“Hey.” Amira greets, holding out a fist for him to bump. “What brings you here?”

“I was in Cologne and a few other cities in NRW so I figured I will come by and visit the future doctor.”

Amira rolls her eyes. “Kiki is literally studying in Cologne, why don’t you visit her instead?”

“You know it’s different.” Matteo says, with a vulnerability in his voice.

Amira considers him for a moment, then closes her notebook and rearranges the paper on her table for a little bit. “Let me get you a hot chocolate.”

When Amira returns with the cup of hot chocolate, Matteo starts to tell Amira about how he has been doing recently and let her in on some of his thoughts and insecurities about how he is doing now and about being left behind by his friends. Amira reassures him that he is doing fine and their friends still love him, as well as hinting at maybe Matteo should get therapy, but it all fall onto deaf ears. Matteo though, still feels a bit lighter nonetheless, as he finally gets someone to listen to him about his thoughts, and he trusts Amira to be thoughtful and understand him. Eventually, Amira talks to Matteo about things she has encountered recently living in Aachen as well as her ventures across the border into the Netherlands and Belgium, she also gets Matteo to talk about places he has visited, though avoids broaching the why of Matteo was in all those places in the first place, as he has talked about being tired of the lifestyle of being a model more than once alone in conversation today.

The evening rolls around sooner than they both were aware of, and Amira offered to take Matteo in for the night and to cook for him, but Matteo refused, not wanting to cause more troubles to Amira and was adamant to take the train back to Berlin. That was what he did in the end, despite Amira’s numerous reassurances that he is not a hassle for her.

* * *

**14 April 2022**

_Donnerstag 11:44_

Matteo came to Munich twice since David last saw him in Berlin, and both times he texted David and they met up for either lunch or dinner and catching up with each other, as Matteo makes a point to meet David even when David can figure that Matteo has a very busy schedule both of the times he has been here.

It is the day before Good Friday today, more than a year since David first saw Matteo. David is once again at the café halfway between the central station and his university campus, where he and Matteo are meeting up. He is seated in the corner by the window, same as the last two times, and scrolling on his phone.

Matteo slides into the seat next to him. It is still the same boy as the one David first saw more than a year ago as well, but there is something different.

Aside from the fact Matteo is more famous now, Matteo also looks _exhausted_.

This is a thing David noticed both times before as well, that Matteo is looking more exhausted than the time they met before. Before Matteo utters his customary “_Na?_”, David strikes first.

“You look tired.” If nothing else, he is worried about Matteo. Hanging out and texting with Matteo makes him happy, and he figures he might be doing something similar for Matteo too, because when they sit together in this café, they both smile and laugh a lot in each other’s company and talking about things. But in previous times Matteo also had the undertone of being tired, which is even worse this time. He never talked to David about what is exactly causing his tiredness, be it being too busy at work, or if there is anything else that has been eating away at him or anything. David sees shadows of his _sad_ past in him, and he wants desperately to know why, as well as how to decipher this puzzle and make Matteo feel better.

Matteo reaches out to hold his hand on the table. It does not register now in his brain at this moment, but he would later realise this is the first time Matteo has touched him in anyway. Though in the moment he just flipped his hand over and holds Matteo’s hand. Matteo runs his finger over David’s hand.

“I am okay. I am doing better now.” Matteo says sincerely, staring straight into his eyes.

And David believes him. Their hands stay linked for the hour that they were together in their own bubble in the corner of the coffee shop, away from the rest of the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcomed and appreciated :)


	5. Milan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Includes scene of implied sexual assault at _Mittwoch 21:07_

**6 July 2022**

_Mittwoch 13:07_

Film school ends as soon as it starts, in David’s opinion. Which is not really surprising given how hectic and whirlwind his life in film school has been. His final film project, the biggest and most serious one over his career as a student, as well as the one David has had high hopes about, was a resounding success. It was well regarded by the faculty in the school, as well as bagged several awards in film school festivals for David, Abdi and the crew, in recognition of their excellence in directing, cinematography and the like.

Success in film school, however, does not necessarily translates to success professionally as a director, and David knows as much. He has the odd commercial directing deal from several brands and companies, but otherwise has not had his break yet. He is patient though, as it is still early days. Abdi is still nominally living in the flat with David, but he rarely shows up anymore, as he is usually on gigs as camera operators for the filming of various films and television programmes. David on the other hand, is understandably a bit less busy.

This is why when Laura asked him to think about helping her with photoshoots for her studio, he jumped at the chance. He does this alongside the thing he has with the photo agency before, and splits his work between studio work like portraits and event photography for the agency. He also splits his time between Berlin and Munich, as his two bases of operation for his jobs for both Laura and doing events.

Since taking up on Laura’s offer as well as starting to do event photography again, David’s life has more of a purpose and he is busier. Though the beauty of working gigs is that he can still schedule his work so that he can have time for himself. He takes advantage of the perk of his current work, for one scheduling work around his occasional directing work, which takes precedence about everything; and for the other, to make time for himself to slow down and appreciate life, as well as doing some exploring that he has given up for his efforts in film school over the past year.

One of the main things David notices, when he is no longer constantly deep in thought about his film projects or just being general busy to even pay attention, is that he can see Matteo’s face _everywhere_. Many of them are promotional materials for various brands in shops, advertising spaces or ads in the paper. David is not sure if he is hallucinating and sees Matteo materialising in any and every way possible, or if he really somehow missed the fact he has been surrounded by Matteo’s face in a while. It kind of makes sense, that Matteo is now a big deal, as David has still seen various posts on Matteo’s finsta about shoots or brands, but it is only now that it registers in his mind what that would actually entail.

* * *

**29 July 2022**

_Freitag 15:15_

David is sat in Laura’s studio in Berlin, having just seen off another client of the studio, doing portraits for them. He is about to take another sip from his tea when his phone chimes.

He lazily unlocks his phone, expecting another enquiry for his services in photography gigs. His eyes float through the words he sees on the screen, then he pauses. He tries reading the email again several times just to make sure he is not reading the thing wrong or that someone is playing a practical joke on him.

* * *

**1 August 2022**

_Montag 10:04_

This is how he finds himself first sat in an office in Mainz with a lady, then now in a bigger conference room with several young men and women, discussing plot concepts and details, then ideas about the style of directing, continuity of plot and so on.

He calls Laura when he is done with the meeting near noon.

“The thing I told you about? I am doing it.” He says first thing when Laura picks up.

“You’ve got it?”

“Yeah.”

“Well done David, I’m proud. When is it going to happen?”

“Near the end of the year I think.”

* * *

**19 August 2022**

_Freitag 19:09_

David has spent much of the two weeks since the day he travelled to Mainz working on his photography work alongside occasional trips up to both Berlin and Mainz for more discussions and activities in relation to this new project he is involved in. Now though, he has organised a break for himself to travel for a bit.

Dinkelsbühl, often referred as one of the most beautiful cities in Germany. Finding its roots in the 12th century, this town is an oddity compared to other towns from the same age, with its organic old town layout that lacks a central market square. The layout is still intact, as is the walls surrounding the old town. The buildings are colourful, the old town picturesque, and it is not a crowded place where many people visit. David likes the atmosphere and environment of this place, and he had a great day exploring the streets, taking pictures of what he sees, as well as walking around the walls of the old town. Some people say the walk around the walls is uninteresting, but David liked the solace and _uninterestingness_ that gives him time to think and clear his mind as well.

He is in his room in the hotel he is staying in for the night having had his dinner a few moments ago. It is a building in the old town that is just like all the other buildings that is several stories high with slanted roofs. He is sat on his bed holding his camera and looking through photos he has taken throughout the day when his phone chimes with a new text.

_Laura_

“how do you feel about going to Milan?” – 19:13

_David_

“What, why?” – 19:14

Instead of getting a reply, his phone starts ringing.

“A friend of mine shooting fashion week, she wants someone to double-up with her for a few of the bigger shows.”

“Hello to you too, Laura.”

“You don’t have anything to do for that week, right?”

“Did I say I want to go?” David asks amusedly.

“Just think of it as going on vacation in Milan.”

“As if I don’t have to pay for it.” David retorts.

“Touché. But I know you’ve talked about wanting to go to Italy.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll get back to you.”

David does want to go to Italy some time. He has a wanderlust and wants to travel and explore different places, especially places that are either abandoned or artsy or both. He has gone on short trips to some places across Europe, sometimes for fun but mostly for some film festivals at other film schools outside the country. For one, he has never gone to Italy, and he wants to explore new places and a new culture. There is also the fact that Matteo has told him a bit about Italy and spoke fondly of his childhood visits there which also reinforced David’s wish to go to Italy and see for himself what is so special about the country, but no one needs to know about it.

Or there is also the added fact that David think Matteo might be also at the fashion week, judging by his popularity and notoriety these days, not that it influences his decisions.

But who is he kidding?

* * *

**16 September 2022**

_Freitag 18:04_

David has almost forgotten how much of a chaos and how competitive the environment is in fashion week photography, how people jockey for positions and have to push their elbows out just to secure their own positions and not get shoved out of the way. He is working with Laura’s friend, who works for a big German magazine. Chances are his photos might get published in the magazine, but he is not too fussed about it. He is just helping out his sister’s friend and also having an excuse to travel and explore for a bit during and after the fashion week, as he does not plan to head back to Munich right after this event, in favour of travelling down south instead.

He tagged along to a meetup of a few photographers earlier in the week, before the fashion week has started and met some more people, including a few faces that David recognises from Berlin last year, as well as a number of small shows he has done since then. David is not opposed to meeting new people, and he tries to engage in conversation with these new people and listen to stories and anecdotes from their experience doing fashion week photography, as well as about some of the other photographers they have encountered. Outside the competitive environment, there is a camaraderie amongst these photographers, though David also picks up the reference to the dark side of some photographers, as well as the fashion and modeling industry as well. He keeps this in mind that he may have to steer clear of some people he encounters during the week.

Focusing back in the moment, he sees the lights start dimming in the venue and he knows as well as everyone around him the show is about to begin, and the intense battle for the best positions to take pictures of the models is brewing as well.

* * *

_Freitag 22:41_

David settles back into the flat he has rented through Airbnb for the duration of the fashion week as well as a few days extra for himself to explore the city. It is a bit out of the way from the venues, but he has to make do given the fact that rent is higher this time of year with the increased demand for so many people coming from around the world for the fashion week. It is a nice and cozy studio apartment that does the job.

He is editing some of the pictures from the show that has just happened in the evening, so he could send it off to the magazine for them to choose and publish. He is not exactly a stranger to fashion week photography, but it has been a while since he last did a fashion week, so it took him a bit longer than usual to get the first few pictures right. But once he is back in his groove, things come much more naturally to him.

He is around half way through the batch of pictures when he decides to take a quick break and goes to make himself tea. He would have cooked himself something but does not think he has the time nor energy to do that, so he opens another packet of wafers instead. Abdi is currently on the phone with him, as he has called David up somewhere between him deciding to take a break and making tea.

“…bit crazy isn’t it? The fashion week. I cannot imagine you liking to do it.” Abdi muses.

“I don’t really, but it pays. Besides, I don’t have anything better to do until the end of the year when that series start.”

“Fair point.”

“What about you? How have you been recently? I don’t think I have seen you in months and you’re supposedly my flat mate.”

“Uh…well, I’m in Sevilla.”

“Sevilla?” David asks incredulously.

“Look…” Abdi starts again, as David hears from the background yelling “_Abdi!_”. That voice sounds suspiciously like Carlos.

David is about to ask about that when Abdi kicks into action again. “I have to go, I will catch up with you later.”

Before David can even get a word in, the line falls dead.

* * *

**19 September 2022**

_Montag 11:47_

One of the reasons why David is not a fan of fashion week photography is how intense it is. Not that directing is not an intense job as well, but not as intense as fashion week photography intense, which is edit-sleep-edit-shoot rinse and repeat daily for a week straight. If you are going to the big four fashion weeks, then this mode of living would be repeating itself for at least a month straight, twice a year. It is not exactly a healthy way of living, if David really thinks about it, as he unsurprisingly has given up his habit of running in the morning again since the fashion week has started. He has worked four days straight, and has decided to take today off for himself so he could recharge and explore the city for a bit.

One of his first impressions of Milan when he arrived is that it seems a bit modern and soulless. He can see older and more historic buildings around, but the skyline show very modern skyscrapers around him as well, as if a few buildings from Frankfurt has migrated into an older city. The other thing is how some places downtown, like Brera which is beautiful in its own right, but are littered with shops of various luxury brand that showcases products that are in no shape or form affordable to a normal person and makes the environment feel so plastic. The city is grey, and unlike the southern Italy that _Matteo_ has spoken fondly of.

Speaking of Matteo, he has heard of the fact that he is in the fashion week, but David has yet to see him. He has not texted with Matteo since the fashion week season has started, as Matteo seemed to be very busy with things, nor has he seen Matteo since the middle of August, when Matteo was in town in Munich and the two met quickly over coffee. Exhaustion swirls Matteo even then, and it worries David a little, though Matteo dismisses David’s concern, again holding David’s hand and telling him that he was feeling okay at that moment. They have not talked about what is happening between the two of them, ostensibly because there is not really anything happening, though the hand-holding and looks they send each other says otherwise, and David does not really know what to make of everything.

He navigates himself out of the metro station and down a street. There, he is greeted by the beautiful sight of the Navigli, a district with several narrow canals lined by older buildings. He flips on his camera. He knows that every city has its own beauty, even when it gives you a gloomy first impression.

* * *

**20 September 2022**

_Dienstag 17:53_

After a day of rest and exploration, David is back into the chaotic scrum known as the huge group of photographers at fashion week. The show has not started yet, as David gets there a bit earlier than he usually does. Not knowing anyone currently here, he goes to the side and leans against the wall, scrolling on his phone and occasionally observing the people around him. He sees a text from Laura telling him something dumb that Leonie and Sara were up to and amusedly texts back to her. 

He is minding his own business, when a group of three photographers moves to the side and stands in a circle against the wall he is leaning against, a few steps away from him. They seem to be discussing something. He glances at them and looks back at his phone, now texting Leonie and making fun of whatever Laura has told him.

He becomes incredibly alert and his ears perk up, when he hears something in English coming from the group next to him. It takes all his willpower to not look up and turn over to look at the three men, instead freezing his motions staring at the screen, as if he is reading something important.

“You know that Italian guy? What’s his name? Matteo Florenzi?”

“I’ve seen him in one show over the weekend. He does have a pretty face.”

“He’s so detached and stuck up though. I know someone who tried to chat him up and he just turned and walked.”

“If I’m a betting man I’d say he’s just doing it to raise his stakes.”

The first guy speaks up again. “I heard somewhere he sometimes sleeps around with fellow models after shows.”

“I fucking knew it! I bet…”

David cannot stand it anymore and he pockets his phone and makes for the other end of the venue to hide himself in the corner. He does not need to know any of this nor he wants to hear any more about it.

The photos that came out of the evening were below his usual standards, but no one said anything about it, though fewer of his photos from the day make it to the magazine’s website than it usually would.

* * *

**21 September 2022**

_Mittwoch 19:04_

David came to the venue with a clearer mind and feeling calmer than the day before, and he kept to himself around other photographers until he had to join the scrum forming at the end of the runway. As the lights start to dim, he sees the guy who initiated _the_ conversation yesterday next to him, slightly crouching. David may have _unintentionally_ elbowed the guy in the side of his head while securing his position in the crowd of photographers as he starts taking pictures. He feels a bit petty about it, but he could not help it, nor would anyone have any suspicion that he had a malicious intent in that apparent accident.

He is in his groove taking pictures, when it suddenly feels like Berlin more than a year ago again. He stops breathing when he sees the blond hair with a strong undercut coming into view through his viewfinder. Piercing blue eyes staring straight at him, as if Matteo really sees David when he knows that is not possible at all. The air of melancholy still persists around him, though the exhaustion that David knows has to be on his face is hidden behind the makeup as well as Matteo’s emotionless runway face.

This is the first time David has seen Matteo in more than a month and he has not talked to Matteo in weeks either. His breath still hitches whenever he sees Matteo as he always feels so floored whenever he comes to realise how stunning Matteo looks, as well as how much of a meme-loving dumbass and soft person Matteo is behind his outward persona is, as David has come to know of Matteo over the past year and a half.

He focuses harder on taking the pictures whenever Matteo comes back out for another round, willing himself to do his best to immortalise what he is seeing and feeling right now.

* * *

_Mittwoch 21:07_

The last day of the fashion week is the only day where David has done a full day of shooting where he has lost track of exactly how many shows he has gone through. He just knows that he has a boatload of pictures he would have to go through for the night and maybe the next day. The other thing that he knows, is that he has finally seen Matteo on the last day of the fashion week, and he has seen him walking at least five or six shows throughout the day. He knows that he would not possibly get to see Matteo like he has done that time in Berlin, so he settles for probably sending a text to Matteo congratulating him later and see if he can catch up with him over text.

Right now though, he is trying to navigate the corridors around the venue looking for a toilet. He has not been to the toilet since he had lunch, and while he could ignore his bodily needs like food and excretion when he is totally focused on the task at hand, now that he is done for the night, he is hyper aware of how hungry and in need of a piss he is at the moment.

He is a bit lost in the messy venue, and now he finds himself in a quiet corridor down the back of the venue which he is pretty sure that it is not the right way to the toilet. But he just pushes on as he is lost either way.

Just as he turns another corner into another corridor, he hears a voice.

Not any other voice, but the voice he can recognise anywhere. Except, the voice is yelling, and David can discern a hint of rage in it.

“Non Toccarmi! Vaffanculo!”

David can tell it is from the room to his left, which has its door slightly ajar. Before he thinks it over, he pushes the door open.

What greets him, is a sight of none other than Matteo, _shirtless_, holding a button down in his right hand and face full of rage and a hint of disgust that David has never seen. He is shrinking away from an older man, who is advancing towards him.

Both of them turn to the door when they hear the creaking sound from the door, and David does not react to it, as he is still too stunned by what he has just seen.

The man, red in his face, yells at David. “Cosa pensi di fare qui?” He is pointing at something on David’s side, and David belatedly realises that he has not packed away his camera, so the man knows he is a photographer.

Right at the same time, horror replaces all the emotions on Matteo’s face, as he whispers, “David.”

Before it registers what is happening, Matteo is already past David at the door, making his way down the corridor still shirtless. The man is going to the door right after Matteo, trying to grab hold of him. David, acting on pure instinct at this point, swings his fist, which connects right at the side of the man’s face. The man flails to the ground.

He does not even bother to see if he has knocked out the man, leaving the door to the room to slam shut and runs after Matteo.

He turns another corner where he just saw Matteo disappear behind and comes to see Matteo leaning against the wall heavily, now with the dress shirt on, as he is shakily buttoning himself up. David reaches out to Matteo, wanting to help Matteo button up the last two buttons since his hands are shaking so much, but he stops and retracts his hands as soon as he can see Matteo visibly flinching.

“Sorry.” David whispers.

Matteo just shakes his head as he finally finishes buttoning himself up.

David is not stupid, and he can tell what could have gone down just now in that room. He wants to make sure Matteo is okay, if he could be. Not that he is inclined to make Matteo talk about it, god forbid, but he is incredibly worried about Matteo.

“Are you okay?” David asks quietly. He knows Matteo must be lying if he says he is.

Matteo just shakes his head again.

“Do you want me to leave?” David asks, stepping back slightly. If he would have his way, he would not leave Matteo alone now.

“Stay.” Matteo whispers.

David ends up following Matteo to retrieve his bag, after which he took Matteo back to the flat he is staying in for the fashion week. All the way from the venue to the metro to the flat, David subtly kept a close eye on Matteo who has stayed silent since asking David to stay. He stays a few feet away, wary of touching Matteo when it is clear he does not want to be touched.

* * *

_Mittwoch 22:41_

“I’ll take the couch.” Matteo says, now clad in a change of clothes that David has given him, and eyeing David, who has already claimed the couch and not planning to move from it any time soon.

“You’ll take the bed.” David shoots back in a tone that hints that there is no room for argument. The two engage in an intense staring match, before Matteo backs down and heads to the bed. He curls up in the bed, hugging one of the pillows.

David waits until he is sure Matteo is comfortable and probably asleep, before he goes and showers himself. He crashes on the couch, it is not the most comfortable place in the world, but he cannot bring himself to mind it. He edits some of the pictures he has taken earlier in the evening on his laptop, trying to get something done for the evening, and falls asleep some time later involuntarily with the laptop lying on his thighs.

* * *

**22 September 2022**

_Donnerstag 07:13_

Matteo wakes up in a bed that is obviously not the hotel bed, given the fact that it is not as big and consequently making it feel less empty to him. He is curled around a pillow that he hugged to sleep the night before. He still feels drained and exhausted by the shows and all the socialising he has to do with countless of faceless people, especially now that it is fashion week season. 

He resolutely refuses to think about what has happened the night before or imagine what could have happened had David not somehow appeared at the door.

David. He sits up and looks over to the couch. David is asleep on the couch, which looks like an uncomfortable place to rest, and only covered by a jacket in the chilly autumn weather. A laptop, which he supposes to be David’s, is on the floor.

Matteo gets out of bed and walks over to where David is on the couch. He picks up the laptop and sees a picture of himself on what looks to be a photo editing software. He says it is himself, but he does not feel like it is himself. He sighs and closes the laptop and places it on the coffee table in front of the couch. He walks back to the bed and takes the duvet with him, then carefully drapes it over David. He looks at David’s face in sleep. He reaches out his fingers, carefully and lightly running them down the side of David’s face and jawline. He likes David, but he is afraid at the same time.

He changes back into his own clothes, carefully folding and placing them back onto the bed. He picks up his bag and finds himself standing in front of David again. He cannot help but leans down and ghosts his lips on David’s forehead at his hairline. With that, he makes his way out of the flat and goes back to his hotel. He has been in London for the fashion week there last week, and he has to be in Paris tonight for the upcoming fashion week as well. He cannot wait for this to be over and possibly hide in his room in Berlin for the next month or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcomed and appreciated :)


	6. Hangout

**14 October 2022**

_Freitag 13:31_

David watches the scene unfolding in front of him like a hawk, as he is about to wrap up the first episode that would be _directing by David Schreibner_ in this series. 

He still cannot believe that he is brought in by the showrunners for this TV series on public television to be part of the directing team who take turns directing episodes of the series. He was in Mainz discussing the show’s vision and plot a few months ago, and he finally got to get stuck into the project and apply his own spin on the contents of the show. He is obviously still green and new to the show, but he thinks he is working with the cast and crew well enough and has thoroughly enjoyed with them. He cannot wait for his next episode to come around already.

“…and, cut!” David yells, when the actors finish up the scene, waiting for the cue for them to break character.

“Well done everyone,” he turns and addresses everyone, “sorry for keeping you well into the lunch hour, but I think we can wrap up for the day.”

He waits around until the crew has packed up, in the meanwhile talking to the producer about how the episode has gone, and finally leaving the set too when pretty much everyone has left already.

* * *

_Freitag 14:27_

He finds himself once again sat in the café where it has become the spot for himself and Matteo whenever they meet up in Munich. Except for the fact, this time he is just here by himself. It was not even a conscious decision to come here but his legs just brought him here. So now he is sat here in the same booth they always occupy, all by himself, with a wrap on a plate and a cup of coffee to go with it.

He recalls in his mind, what he has since called _the Milan Episode_, as he takes a bite of his wrap. 

He woke up the next morning when it was nearly noon feeling oddly warm considering he was only covering himself in his jacket the night before. When he opened his eyes as he tried to stretch, he discovered that the duvet on his bed somehow made its way across the room from the bed onto himself. The bed was empty, he belatedly noticed, and he saw the change of clothes David has lent to Matteo the night before neatly folded and placed at the end of the bed.

David stood up from the couch to find his laptop carefully placed on the coffee table and walked around the small studio apartment to look for Matteo. He discovered that Matteo’s bag and shoes were gone, which means he has left before David has woken up. He secretly hoped that Matteo did not sneak away in the dead of the night because he decided he was uncomfortable in David’s space.

He contemplated texting Matteo, but put off doing that. Later in the afternoon that day, he sees Matteo’s finsta has a new story. In it, it is Matteo taking a picture of himself resting his legs on a suitcase, with a location tag of the Milan airport, so David figured that he might have to go to the Paris Fashion Week as well. As David scrolls down his Instagram feed, he also sees Matteo posting on his finsta a picture of himself on the runway that looks very familiar to David. Which was a good sign, considering the fact that it at least means Matteo is feeling good enough to continue playing the social media game. As he clicked on the picture and scrolls down though, he sees something.

** _matteoflorenzi_ **

_Last night at Milan Fashion Week for @brand. Onward to Paris._

📷_: @da_vid.gif_

This explains why David’s account has so many requests for follow out of the blue. He contemplated again to text Matteo then but again put off doing that, reasoning that Matteo might be on the plane flying out to France anyway.

What he did not expect, however, is Matteo starting to text with him even in the apparent business during the Paris Fashion week, which also extended to after the fashion week season for fall has completed. Matteo texts David as if nothing has ever happened and changed, and in return David happily texts back to Matteo, and often sends him pictures of various places he is visiting in Italy, to which Matteo always enthusiastically replies and tells David of his envy that David gets to travel to all the places in Italy.

He is halfway through his bagel, when his phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon, I hope I am speaking to David Schreibner?”

* * *

_Freitag 17:03_

This is how David finds himself sat in the Munich headquarters of one of the biggest film studios in Germany, discussing ideas about aliens and vampires and deeper messages of plots, then talking about his past portfolio of films and his vision about making films. Then suddenly he finds himself given a deal for a low budget film. 

He does not really mind working with a small budget, even when it is evident that the film house could have given a larger one with its scale and reputation on the continent, as he is going to be given access to production facilities of the company which are top notch and could more than make up for the small budget. It also helps that he wishes to work with a younger and fresh-faced cast that would not involve any big names that would make the bill add up. There is certainly a pressure, working with a big film house, but he figures it is hard to turn down an opportunity and a challenge to make the most out of this and make his first steps as a filmmaker, alongside his current work as a TV director.

* * *

**24 October 2022**

_Montag 19:21_

David is up in Berlin for the filming of the next episode for the TV series he is working on, and after a full day of filming, he is back in the flat in Berlin with Laura, who he has not seen in months.

He is making dinner for both of them, for once. He knows how to cook well, but usually Laura does the cooking when it is the two of them, as David always plays the younger sibling card and gets to be lazy instead. He is home earlier than Laura today though, and given the fact he is hungry, he takes it upon himself to cook for them. Laura enters the flat just as he starts cooking.

“You’re cooking?” Laura asks, as she pokes her head into the kitchen.

“No, I am burning the kitchen to the ground.”

Laura just rolls her eyes and moves on to put down her bag.

“For once I get to be lazy and wait for food.” Laura yells from her room.

David just rolls his eyes and continues stirring the pot.

He plates the pasta he has been making, and brings them out to the living room, where he sees Laura working on the laptop. She closes it and pushes it to the side when she sees David approaching with the plates.

“Having pasta, are we?”

“I feel like eating pasta, so.” David says simply.

“How was Italy?” Laura asks, as David has not really talked to Laura about his travels aside from occasionally sending Laura photos he has taken over text, or posting them to his Instagram when they fit his overall aesthetics on his account.

This launches David into very excited recounting about his travels and explorations in different cities, like Bologna where he discovers there is actually no Spaghetti Bolognese, Florence where he has seen many masterpieces of Renaissance art and architecture, including the _Duomo Firenze_ and Michelangelo’s “David” sculpture. The Cinque Terre in the region of La Spezia, where there are five seaside villages with colorful houses and vineyards clinging to steep terraces, harbors filled with fishing boats and a cliffside hiking trail linking the villages together where David took a lot of beautiful pictures. He has also been to Rome, home to many ancient Roman ruins like the Colosseum and the Forum, as well as other buildings of cultural significance like the Pantheon and the Vatican, even though he knows the Catholic church probably does not welcome a person like David. The southmost he has gone to was Pompeii and Naples, where the historic center of Naples finds its roots from the ancient Greek era, as well as having its fair share of Medieval, Renaissance and Baroque style buildings, it is overflowing with culture and fits well into David’s image of being an artsy and cultured man.

Laura sometimes makes fun of him for how fondly he speaks of his experiences in Italy, and asks if David has become an honorary Italian with his weeks of travelling in the country. David just rolls his eyes and tries to speak Italian with great failure.

“What about the Italian boy?” Laura asks nonchalantly, just as David starts chewing another mouthful of pasta.

David chokes on his food and splutters.

“What?” He asks when he gets his coughing under control.

“The one who I see his face everywhere?” Laura says.

So, Laura is asking about Matteo out of the blue. And reminding David that Matteo is famous at the same time.

“Exactly.” He mutters then he drinks from his glass of water.

“Don’t act like you don’t know him.” Laura kicks him under the table.

“I didn’t say I don’t know him. Hell, you know him too.” David retorts.

Laura rolls her eyes at him. “I don’t know, I’ve heard on the grapevine that there is this famous male model who is always texting a David.”

“That is such an overstatement.” David mutters as he takes another bite of his food.

“So there’s something?” Laura smirks at David.

David kicks Laura back under the table. “We’re friends.”

He sees Laura sending a look.

“I’m telling the truth. It’s complicated.” He says exasperatedly.

Laura changes the topic and talks about some of her projects instead.

* * *

**28 October 2022**

_Freitag_ 12:28

The filming for the second episode went well for David, and he made his way back to Munich last evening. He is now cooking lunch for three, as for once Abdi is back in the flat while David is here as well, except for the fact Carlos is also here.

He tries not to think about the implications of them being here together, especially for the fact that both of them are red in the face and sat five feet apart on the couch staring at the television that is turned off. He just raised his eyebrows at them and proceeded into his room when neither said anything. 

Nor does he think about the fact Carlos is still here now, but when David woke up for his morning run, he did not see him crashing on the couch when there are only two bedrooms in this flat, and Carlos was obviously not in his room. When he came back from the run, Carlos is already sat in the living room with a mug in his hands.

He looks at his pan of shakshuka and decides it is nearly ready, so he goes over to the other side and starts cutting up pieces of bread to go with the dish, then he takes everything out and puts them on the dining table.

“Haven’t seen you both in a while.” David comments as he sets the dishes down.

“Been busy working on films.”

“In Sevilla?” David asks.

Carlos chokes at that.

David sends both of them a look.

Before David can say anything though, his phone rings. He was tempted to ignore it for a second, until he sees who it is that is calling him. He picks up the phone and quickly disappears into the privacy of his own room.

“Hey Matteo.”

As a matter of fact, David can count all the times Matteo has called him in one hand, and it is usually when they are coordinating their meet ups, and maybe once when Matteo was drunk out of his mind which caused David severe anxiety until Matteo texted him the day after telling him he got home safely and that he was sorry for calling him drunk.

“Hey.” Matteo’s soft voice comes over the line.

“What’s up?” David asks awkwardly.

“I miss you.”

Matteo said it so quietly that David is not sure if he did not hallucinate. It kinds of catches him off guard, considering the fact that last David checked, he and Matteo are friends but maybe a bit more. They have not talked about what is happening, and do friends call up each other and tell them they miss each other with a hint of longing in their voice? David does not really know how to react, but if he is honest for a second, he misses Matteo too and he wants more of Matteo.

“Me too.” He responds equally quietly.

He can hear Matteo exhale. David too lets out a breath he does not know he is holding.

“I…Call me next time you’re in Berlin?”

There is something in his voice that makes David make his mind up.

“You know what?” David says, as Matteo hums.

“I will come back to Berlin tomorrow for the weekend if you are free.”

“You don’t have to…” Matteo starts to protest.

“Are you free, Matteo?” David asks insistently.

“I am.” Matteo relents.

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“See you.”

David lets out a deep breath when he ends the call, staring out of the window blankly. When he gets back to the living room, having composed himself, he is greeted by a sight.

Carlos and Abdi making out on the couch.

He just stares until Carlos notices David, by then he scrambles to push Abdi off him.

“I didn’t expect that, to be honest.” David remarks idly as he goes back to the dining table to finish his serving of food.

* * *

**29 October 2022**

_Samstag 13:01_

Matteo is a bit twitchy. Which is a bit weird, considering that he is a bit numb towards the feeling of nervousness these days, such is the nature of his work of being the center of attention.

This is a bit different though. This is David. The David who apparently knows his friends too, and who his friends speaks highly about. The David who has always been so kind and caring to Matteo, who cares about Matteo the person. The David who always lights up Matteo’s world even when he is so exhausted by the way he has been living.

The David who Matteo saw getting on a train and leaving Berlin, just as Matteo got off a train coming back from the Baltic coast on a photoshoot. He has checked his phone and found out that David had not texted nor called him about him being in Berlin.

The root of the problem is really that, Matteo really _likes_ David, to the point where he thinks he is willing to open up to David about all the issues and insecurities he has been facing, even beyond what he would tell Jonas or Amira or the rest of the boys. He thinks David _likes_ him back, but Matteo knows they have not talked about it aside from some hand-holding, nor does Matteo know whether David _likes _him back the way Matteo wants it to be, nor do both of them know each other well at a deeper level. They of course have talked to each other a lot, but for one, Matteo knows David does not know his struggles; and if David has something deep inside him, then Matteo does not know too, aside from him being trans and pansexual, as he saw from the pins on David’s bag the day when he met him.

That is why it sort of fucked him up, irrationally, that he finds out David did not tell him when he is in Berlin. Not that Matteo would have been able to meet him, but it just did something to Matteo’s heart. This is how he found himself high on weed barely past noon yesterday, and impulsively called up David and told him that he missed him.

And somehow, now he is at the Central Station, seeing the ICE train from Munich pulling its way up the platform. Moments later, David is standing in front of him and smiling at Matteo. He cannot help but feel a bit lighter and mirrors David’s smile. He steps closer.

“Na?”

“Na.”

Matteo eyes the gym bag David has with him. He motions towards the exit of the station.

“What about we have lunch, then we can put down your bag at mine then we can go somewhere?”

“Sounds like a good plan.”

They end up at a café Matteo frequents a lot when he is in Berlin, which is not the café which he once worked at but has since quit. David’s eyes widen when Matteo leads him to the café, but he is not sure why is it the fact, as David does not say anything about it as well.

Both of them got salads for themselves, and over lunch they chatted idly on what Matteo considers to be softball topics, as they catch up with each other on how they have been doing recently. He got David into talking about his directing work; Matteo tells him about where he has been recently for his work, which admittedly is not that much, as Matteo has only had two shoots since the fashion week ended, telling his agent he needs rest when all he did was hiding in the WG and smoking weed.

Matteo talking about the Baltic coast launched David into a reveling recounting of his extended trip in Italy, which Matteo has seen glimpses of from David’s Instagram as well as from texting with him. It endears him so much that David took what Matteo has said about Italy so seriously and went to see it for himself and share his love for Italy with Matteo as well. It makes him miss the place a bit, despite the fact that he avoids going there these days unless he is there for work.

They also got to talk about the boys, which they occasionally do since David revealed to him that he knows the boys and relayed the message that they missed him so much. Matteo has made more of an effort to stay in touch with the boys, but he still rarely shows up to their meetups. What David is about to say catches Matteo totally off guard though.

“I saw Carlos and Abdi kissing yesterday.”

“You what?” Matteo whisper-shouted.

David raises his eyebrows amusingly. “I said what I said. I was scarred for life.” He jokes.

* * *

_Samstag 16:25_

David brings Matteo to this riverfront park along the Spree across the city, when they are done with lunch and depositing David’s bag in Matteo’s place, which he figures is empty for the day.

“So what is here?” Matteo asks, as he surveys the slightly barren area with not much people around.

“I would say something cheeky like ‘I’m here’,” David remarks, as Matteo’s breath catches, “But I just think this is a nice and quiet place to hang out.”

Matteo hums in agreement, as they walk side by side down the riverfront. Matteo, feeling light, as he rarely feels these days, lets himself enjoy the feeling fully and be his dumb self. He reaches his leg out and tries to trip David.

“Fucker.” David says, while smiling at Matteo.

In the moment, when it is just the two of them, both of them suddenly feel lighter and younger again, as they played table tennis without a racket nor a ball and climbed children’s playground facilities and set atop them, sharing a packet of crisps while Matteo smokes his weed. The feeling of carefreeness is liberating, but scares Matteo all the same.

Eventually, they sit down on the steps by the river. Both of them stay silent, looking at the rapid currents and having the late fall winds blowing at them. Matteo plays with his fingers for a moment, before he takes a deep breath, turning away and breaks the silence. This something has been nagging at his brain for a while and could make or break Matteo’s heart, in a sense.

“I want to ask you a question.” Matteo asks stiffly.

He does not hear David moving for a moment, though after a few beats he can hear David inhaling.

“Sure.”

Matteo takes a deep breath too.

“Why do you come close to me?”

It is not the best worded question, Matteo realises, especially when David opens his mouth to respond, but he has never been good with words.

David looks stunned. “Do you want me to back off?” He sounds hurt as well.

“No.” Matteo turns back over to look at David in the eye, but averts in embarrassment a few moments later. But that at least stopped David from standing up and walking away.

“I guess, what I mean is, what do you see or want from me?”

Matteo desperately wants David to understand the implicit question of _Do you see Matteo the person?_

“I like you. Of course you’re good looking, I can’t deny that. But I want to get to know and understand you. This is not a game to me.”

David likes Matteo the way Matteo wants David to like him.

He exhales and relaxes. “Okay. Me too.”

David exhales too. Matteo scoots a bit closer, though the two of them are still not touching.

* * *

_Samstag 19:30_

They end up back at Matteo’s flat, which David has since learnt that is a flat share with several of Matteo’s friends.

David meant to just come back here to retrieve his bag and head back to Laura’s, but they somehow ended up sitting in the kitchen with each other and sharing a joint. David does not even smoke, and has only done weed maybe once or twice in his life when his friends encouraged him to take a drag, but somehow he is now sat here splitting a joint between himself and Matteo. Their talk now much more lighthearted than before, mainly the two of them geeking over some video games that Matteo is obsessed with, as well as David showing Matteo his _private_ sketchbook. He does not even know why he does that, but being slightly high on weed makes David impulsive to pull out his sketchbook and share it with Matteo, after Matteo took his phone and returned it to David with his Instagram following _@matteohno_, which he figures is Matteo’s private account.

The sketchbook is intimately connected to how David felt when he was younger, and is sort of a reflection of the journey from where he was to where he is today. He does not really explain what the meanings behind his sketches and collages are, but only observes Matteo delicately flipping through the book, and occasionally complimenting David for his art. Somewhere along the lines, Matteo stops at a page in David’s sketchbook.

David cranes his neck to see what Matteo is looking at, then he sees what it is. It is a drawing of Matteo’s face. David thinks it is from when he first met Matteo.

Matteo runs his fingers around the outside, tracing the outline of his face in the sketchbook.

“It’s beautiful.” Matteo whispers.

“It’s because you’re beautiful.” David says.

Matteo stares at David for a moment, before he changes the topic.

“Are you hungry? We can make a sandwich or something.” Matteo says while throwing another glance at the sketchbook at the table.

David is indeed feeling hungry. “Sure.”

What David has not expected, however, is Matteo pulling out cheese, ketchup, mustard, pickled cucumber and whipped cream instead of more normal sandwich ingredients. David just goes along for the ride and they throw in ingredients for each other’s sandwiches, before putting them into the toastie maker.

David thinks it takes more bravery than the marines have to take a bite into the sandwich, but he is pleasantly surprised by how much better it tastes than he would have expected.

They both polish off their sandwiches and are back to staring at each other.

Before Matteo can say anything else, David’s phone rings.

“Hey.”

“I thought you said you’re somehow back in Berlin?” Laura asks over the phone.

“Uh yeah, I will be back soon.” David says, turning away from Matteo.

“Yeah yeah, just want to know if I have to cook for you.”

“I guess?”

“You guess? Heck, whatever. Bye.”

With that she hangs up the phone before David can reply.

He pockets his phone before turning back and facing Matteo.

“I guess you have to go?” Matteo asks.

“I guess I have to.” David replies, but he makes no move to pick up his bag from the corner.

David stands there, waiting for Matteo to say or do whatever he means to. He knows there is a strong enough reason to not push Matteo even if they have pretended that it does not exist the whole afternoon.

“Um…do you think, we can say we’re dating?” Matteo asks slowly.

“We sort of have been doing that for a while, haven’t we?” David says lightheartedly, before saying more seriously, “if you are comfortable with that, then we can say that is the case.”

“Okay.” Matteo smiles at him.

David picks up his bag, as Matteo walks him to the door.

“Call me next time you’re in Berlin?” Matteo asks.

“The same goes for you if you’re in Munich.” David replies.

David walks backwards out of the door. “Goodnight, Matteo.”

“Goodnight.”

David does not hear Matteo’s front door closing until he is halfway down the next set of stairs towards the entrance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcomed and appreciated :)


	7. Blues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Brief mentions of the incident in Chapter 5 around halfway through.

What really changed since that day, is the fact that they actually make the effort to coordinate and compare each other’s schedule to find out times when they would be in the same city, or the free time that they can make the trip to either Berlin or Munich to visit each other. Admittedly, it is not often that this actually comes to fruition, but David treasures every time he can see Matteo. They are not particularly different from before when they have established that they are sort of dating, it is just more of the two of them hanging out a lot. One real progress though, is somewhere along the line, David got to hold Matteo’s hands again, after Matteo having avoided physical contact with David for some time since the incident in Milan. Last time David was in Berlin, Matteo even walked David all the way back to his home, which is admittedly not that far apart, as they have come to realise.

Matteo has gotten back to working more intensively in the weeks since, though not necessariy out of necessity, but more because he is _in demand_ and his agent wants him to take up those jobs. If Matteo has his way, he would probably spend the next month or two holed up in the WG and probably smoke weed everyday. He is not doing well, if he is being honest. Aside from the rare bright spots of hanging out with David, he feels alone, sad, and stuck. There is an uncontrollable feeling of being unable to enjoy anything he does in his life and he feels he is losing his previous interests – even playing games on his laptop or looking for memes for his private Instagram account. There are also demons from elsewhere that are haunting Matteo, if he were being honest.

* * *

**9 November 2022**

_Mittwoch 15:29_

David pulls tape over the last of the cardboard boxes inside Abdi’s room and pushes it out towards the living room, where Abdi and Carlos are just back from another round of transporting some of the boxes outside, downstairs and into the moving van.

David flops down on the couch as Abdi and Carlos moves to pick up another set of boxes.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving me.” David says dramatically.

“Bro, I’m just moving back to Berlin.” Abdi says while turning back towards the door.

“Well! I’m not moving back to Berlin and you’re moving in with your boyfriend.” David points at Carlos accusingly, just to continue to play off his dramatic tendencies.

“I’m not his boyfriend!” Carlos protests.

“I wonder if I imagined in my head noises of people fucking then.” David smirks.

Both of their faces turn into beet red and they scurry away with the boxes in hand.

David eventually takes a pity on them and starts to help moving the boxes downstairs as well, and they get done around fifteen minutes later. David heading into the kitchen to grab a beer for himself, while the two of them lie down and stretch out on the couch.

“It’s been a fun few years living here though.” Abdi remarks from where he is laid on the couch.

“Yeah, that is true.” David agrees.

“Don’t act like we’re not seeing one another anymore.” Carlos interjects into this very melancholic mood that is hanging over David and Abdi.

David hums in agreement, he does have a point. Jonas has also told him recently that he is moving back to Berlin, so he figures Matteo’s friend group will finally be reunited and he would probably feel better with his friends around. While Matteo acts slightly nonchalant when they talk about their friends, he can tell underneath Matteo misses them a lot.

David goes downstairs to see off Carlos and Abdi, and he returns to a flat that is now only occupied by himself. Bearing the rent by himself is not particularly a concern, and technically he has been living mostly by himself recently due to Abdi’s absence. But now that Abdi has moved out for real, he cannot help but feel a bit lonelier than he has felt previously, living in a city away from home and friends.

* * *

**29 November 2022**

_Dienstag 13:51_

David takes another bite of food out of his lunchbox as he checks his phone again. There is still nothing, despite him having checked multiple times

_David_

“Hey, are you busy?” – Yesterday, 17:04

“I am in Berlin for the week.” – Yesterday, 17:04

“Let me know if we can meet up :)” – Yesterday, 17:05

He tried calling Matteo when he arrived at Berlin, like he has done in the past month whenever he comes up north, as well as the one time Matteo has come down to Munich for work. It has always been fleeting hangouts where they have lunch or dinner together, or that they go for a walk together in a park or down a street or something. David hoped this would change, or at least he can get to do it more often this time round when he is in Berlin for longer.

The only snag is the fact that Matteo has not picked up the phone nor replied to his messages since last evening, so nothing has come to fruition yet. Instead of being out somewhere, he spent last night in Laura’s flat by himself. Laura has told him that she would be out of the country for a while, so there is no one there to entertain him, and he ended up sketching and watching movies on the TV on his own.

He contemplates trying to call or send a message to Matteo again, but figures Matteo would reach out to him if he is free, and maybe he is very busy recently. He is pulled out of his musings as his assistant director comes over to talk to him about some of the organisational issues they want to smooth out for the filming for his film. They have started filming last week, mostly in Munich inside the film company’s studio, and this week is one of the few times they will venture out from Bavaria. They want to make sure they can nail everything so they can finish everything they set out to do and not go over budget or overtime to achieve this.

He pushes everything to the side and focuses back on his work.

* * *

**2 December 2022**

_Freitag 16:25_

Filming work has been at the forefront of David’s month in the past few days, as they embarked on intensive days of filming trying to cover as much ground as they could for the progress of the film. In the hours he is not working on the film, he ends up thinking a lot about the filming. He has also hung out with Carlos, Abdi and Jonas a few days ago for dinner, as Jonas called up David and invited him after learning that he is in Berlin for the week. It has always amazed him how dumb the conversations between the boys could spiral to, and he wonders if Matteo is the same. Despite knowing all of the boys for so long, he has never concurrently hung out with the boys and Matteo.

He has also had lunch with Leonie and Sara one day, as David continues with his habit of making fun of Leonie and Sara’s relationship. Talking about how they used to pretend they are not dating and deny it vehemently, and how they are joined at the hip. David delights at the fact that the two of them grows redder and redder in the face with no recourse against David.

David also took time for himself exploring the older and more derelict parts of Berlin, looking for inspiration for his drawings and also taking some photos for himself, as he never really dropped his passion for photography, especially landscape photography even if he has grown busier over the past few years, as well as making photography a means for him to make money. There is an oddly soothing feeling for him being around these abandoned places, as well as a connection between these places and the David Schreibner of the past, even if David thinks he has grown to be a better and happier person these days, those facets are still part of who he is.

The real thing that has been nagging David though, is the fact that Matteo has more or less disappeared off the face of the earth the whole week. Matteo has not called him up, nor replied to his messages. David could not even tell if it is a case of Matteo ghosting him, or if it is just him having not read the messages, as David has learnt early on that Matteo does not have read receipts turned on. He has checked both Matteo’s finsta and his real Instagram account, and discovers that he has not updated both his accounts either, missing out both #MatteoMonday and #FlorenziFriday. It is a weird situation all around, and while David feels a bit hurt Matteo has disappeared, he is more concerned than anything given how he has been doing relatively well with David the past few times they have met up, though the exhaustion and melancholy were still prevalent in the background.

He picks up his cup of tea from the coffee table in the living room and walks over to look out of the window. The sun is already setting and only the twilight of the winter day is weakly shining from the horizon. He takes another sip from his cup. He has wrapped up the week’s filming and he plans to go back to Munich over the weekend, so he can get rested before he has to work more later in the month before Christmas season hits.

He keeps staring at the last slithers of daylight, contemplating if he should text Matteo to let him know that he is heading back to Munich. He turns back and places the cup back down on the coffee table, when he hears a knock coming from his front door. He is not sure if he has heard that wrong, so he slowly walks to the front door and peers towards the outside through the peep hole.

What he does not expect, is seeing a mop of blond hair through the hole. He opens the door quickly.

“Hey.” David greets him, as he sees Matteo raising his head and looking at David with such sadness in his eyes. He looks disheveled with bags under his eyes. David can also smell a whiff of weed from Matteo.

What David does not expect, is Matteo quickly walking into his space and wrapping him in a hug. He is stunned for a few seconds, as he has never hugged Matteo, but quickly collects himself and wraps his arms tightly and securely around Matteo.

He maneuvers Matteo inside the door and kicks the door close.

* * *

_Freitag 17:01_

David has now deposited Matteo on the couch, while he is moving around the kitchen, making two new cups of tea, one for Matteo and the other for himself. When he returns to the living room, Matteo is still in the same position and posture David has left him in, his elbows resting on his knees, and hunched forward. He places Matteo’s cup in front of him on the coffee table, while he himself sits down diagonally from Matteo on the adjacent couch.

“Are you okay?” David asks quietly.

Matteo still does not speak but shakes his head silently.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Matteo picks up the cup from thee coffee table as he takes a sip, delaying his response for a few seconds. When he finally responds, he is still staring at his cup. “Not yet.”

“Do you want to watch a movie then?” David asks.

Matteo nods.

David puts on Only Loves Left Alive on the television. “Since you always made fun of me for watching indie films everytime we talk about it.” David explains as he sits back on the couch.

When they are about a third through the movie, David decides he would not cook dinner, and settles on ordering pizza for both of them. This is how both of them are still munching on slices of pizza when the film ends. They are sort of in a limbo of still not talking and now without the distraction the movie provides to them.

* * *

Matteo finishes eating another piece of pizza and settles back on the sofa. He takes a deep breath. He knows why he is here or what he has set out to do, but it still takes a bit of processing to actually open up and talk to David. He has been feeling particularly shit the past week, and even though he saw David calling and texting him, he has hid himself in his room in the WG for much of the days except for occasionally eating. It is the realisation today of what he is doing to both himself and David, when his head is a bit less sluggish than the past few days, that really drove him to make the short walk over to David’s place. He was not even sure if David is still in Berlin, and he was starting to panic and was about to turn and go back to his flat and regret blanking David, when the door opened. The comfort of being in David’s arms made himself loosen a little bit and helped to strengthen his resolve to talk to David about things.

He lets out the breath of air.

“David.”

David turns over and looks at Matteo, putting down his slice of pizza. He hums in acknowledgement but keeps chewing and swallows the food.

“I want to talk about…things.”

David now turns himself fully in the direction of Matteo and looks straight at him. “Okay, sure.”

He stays silent for a few beats, trying to organise his thoughts for a bit. David waits patiently as he does so. Eventually, he opens his mouth.

“I want to apologise for not reaching out to you this week.”

“You’re here now.” David says.

“No, David. I…I’m not that famous or successful model or whatever people they say to describe me.”

He takes a deep breath. “I feel like I fall into a hole a lot. I feel like I lack energy to function properly. A lot of times I don’t even want to go to the jobs that are scheduled for me. Particularly whenever I come back to Berlin after some big gigs like the fashion week, I just stay in my room for days on end and smoke weed.”

David keeps looking at him, nodding at Matteo.

“I feel so sad out of the blue sometimes, and I have lost so much interest in things I do…I don’t even have the energy to face the boys when they ask me to go out with them.”

“I am not someone that is worth your time…honestly. I don’t know what is wrong with me, and I am so stuck in life.”

“You’re worth every second of my time, Matteo.” David says determinedly.

“No, David. I have no plans in my life – I am stuck right here while everyone is progressing forward. I have achieved nothing. I’ve been out of high school for three years. Everyone around me has either gone to university or done some sort of apprenticeship. I only worked in a café for a while and modeled and this thing somehow blew up into this. And I don’t think I can keep doing this either. It is too draining for me.” Matteo buries his head in his hands. He can feel David reaching out and touching him lightly on the shoulder.

“Matteo. You’re never stuck.”

Matteo does not believe him. He thinks David is just trying to comfort him about how pathetic he is. He shakes his head.

He can feel David retracting his hand and them hears him standing up. He sees David walking over to the window and leaning against it.

“Let me let you in on something then.” David says. There is an air of mysterious emanating from David in this moment, seeing him illuminated by streetlights from the outside, in the relatively dim lights of the living room that were dimmed for the movie. He moves over to next to David and leans against the dining table.

“You know I’m transgender?” David asks.

Of course Matteo knows. It is one of the first things Matteo discovered from looking at his bag. “I know, and I know what it means and it’s okay.”

David smiles a bit sadly at that. “Not everyone has the same reaction as you.”

Matteo nods dumbly at that. He thinks he can understand a little about this sentiment. It is part of the reason he is still not out to his mother when everyone else in his life knows that he is very gay.

“When I first came out…” David pauses momentarily. “My parents did not accept me. My teachers in high school refused to acknowledge my name. My peers laughed at me and called me names. I always felt so alone and stuck. I could not breathe or sleep or eat properly. I just wanted to run to somewhere where no one knows me.”

Matteo’s heart breaks for David. A kind and beautiful boy like David does not deserve that. He reaches out to hug David again, who reciprocates.

“But now I’m here.” David whispers.

“I’m now surrounded by friends who accept me. I get to do things that I enjoy. I no longer feel stuck and hopeless.” David pauses. Matteo thinks there is something else David wants to say, but stopped short of saying it.

He pulls back from the embrace and looks directly into Matteo’s face, still holding his shoulders.

“What I want to say is…you’re never stuck. Maybe you need a little help and pull from the others, but there is always hope. You are not alone. Things will turn out for the better.”

“You’re worth every second of anyone’s time. I’ve seen all the memes you’ve posted and sent me. I’ve always thought you’re thoughtful and funny when we hang out, even though you look so tired which concerns me. Your friends genuinely miss you a lot, despite whatever you’re thinking about that.”

“And this is all independent of whether you are a famous model or not. You are still you and this is part of your personality. Your friends miss you because you are an important part of the friend group and not because of any other reason. _I like you_ because how soft, kind and funny you are, because you are the most beautiful boy I have ever seen and nothing else.”

Matteo’s breath hitches at that.

“I meant what I said when I said I wanted to get to know you better, and I have to thank you for being so honest with me about these things. I know how hard it can be.” He pauses for a beat. “It does not change how I think about you either.”

Matteo shakes his head and moves to lean against the window opposite David. He sighs.

He turns to look outside the window and hugs himself. “There’s another thing.”

“Okay.”

Matteo opens and closes his mouth a few times. He has wanted to talk about this for a while to David, but it is really much more difficult than he has imagined. And he already thought it is difficult.

David just patiently waits for Matteo to continue.

“I…want to talk about that night…” He breathes in another shaky breath. “You know…”

“In Milan.” David helps him to complete the sentence.

Matteo closes his eyes. “Yes.” He whispers.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” David says quietly and reassuringly.

“…I want to.”

David keeps quiet and stays unmoving in front of Matteo, looking at him kindly.

“I think…you can guess what has happened that day.” 

“I don’t want to make the wrong assumptions.” David replies.

“I…he…that man…touched…touched my ass and grabbed my crotch…while I was changing.” Matteo whispers out shakily.

“Fucking piece of scum.” He hears David muttering under his breath, as well as balling his fists, but quickly relaxing and looking back at Matteo with eyes full of concern.

“Did you report that?” David asks.

“You know models don’t have power in the industry.”

Matteo can feel the energy seeping out of his body and his eyes dropping. He is exhausted from talking his brain out. He involuntarily lets out a yawn.

“Tired?” David asks.

Matteo nods.

“Come on, you can take my bed. I’ll take the couch.”

Matteo does not protest, and he takes the offered clothes David got from the dresser before leaving him alone in David’s room. He falls asleep in David’s bed, like that night in Milan.

* * *

**3 December 2022**

_Samstag 10:04_

David is standing in the kitchen with a bowl in hand and eating cereal out of it while humming along to some ambient music. He is standing around instead of sitting down at the dining table like a normal person, because his back does not feel the best from sleeping in the cramped couch. He is deep in his head thinking about the talk with Matteo last night, when Laura walks into the kitchen and starts making a sandwich for herself.

“Why did I see you on the couch last night?” Laura asks, while putting a piece of lettuce into her sandwich.

“Uh…Matteo is in my bed.”

“Huh?” David can see Laura’s eyes growing at least ten times wider to a comical size, and her hands stop working on her sandwich.

David hears a door opening and soft footsteps padding against the floorboards. He puts down his bowl of cereal and starts walking outside.

“I will probably explain, later.” David sends a pointed look at Laura that says _do not say anything weird_.

He sees Matteo sleepily looking around in the flat while still rubbing his eyes. David has to be honest and say that seeing Matteo in his clothes does something to his heart. He also looks so adorable being sleep-addled, especially when he catches David looking at him and sends him the softest of smiles.

“Morning.” David walks closer to Matteo to greet him, though still mindful not to touch him, lest it is something that is unwanted by Matteo. David knows that it is a bit convoluted, given the fact that Matteo has hugged him twice last night, but it was before he has opened up about what had happened in Milan, and he does not want to do anything inappropriate that could possibly drive away Matteo. He settles for a smile.

“Morning.” Matteo mumbles.

Laura pokes her head out from the kitchen to look at them.

“I think I should leave?” Matteo says uncertainly when he sees Laura as well.

“No…” David says quickly, “If you feel more comfortable here, then you can stay here.”

Matteo blushes as he averts his eyes, mumbling, “I feel comfortable around you.”

When David goes back into the kitchen to fix another bowl of cereal for Matteo, he ignores Laura, whose eyebrows have disappeared into her hairline.

* * *

**5 December 2022**

_Montag 14:22_

Matteo is a bit uncertain about this, even when he is stood at the start of the corridor leading up to the door to where he is supposed to be, with David next to him.

Over the weekend, David and Matteo has talked more about his feelings, as he also told David about his mother’s struggles a few years ago. David told him about how he made it past the chasm of darkness in his mind when he was younger, which included going to a therapist and talking to them as well as getting prescribed some medications. David even took out his depression pills and waved it around for a few seconds just to show him that he still has his meds with him and that it is not that scary to have the medications with you.

David more or less sweet-talked Matteo into going to the therapist David once went to, _just to try if not for himself, then for David_. Matteo agreed reluctantly, even though he knew that what David said kind of made sense, but he is just terrified about the prospect of actually telling some stranger about his issues and insecurities.

David nudges him in the side and looks at him without saying anything. He knows David is offering him an out, if Matteo really wants to. It is one of the things that hits Matteo suddenly, how both him and David can read each other easily.

He shakes his head at David, before taking the first step forward.

David holds the door to the place open for Matteo and sits on the benches to wait for Matteo while he gets his forms filled at the counter, before Matteo joins him there when he is done.

“I’ll be here.” David says to him, touching Matteo’s hand slightly when his name is called as it is time for his appointment for the therapist.

Matteo comes out of the room feeling very raw, talking about his issues in depth for the first time in years. But there are also things he is not ready to talk about yet. He feels a slight part of the weight on his shoulders has been removed though, as he sits down on the bench next to David, slumping against him. David stills for a moment before wrapping a strong arm around Matteo’s back.

He does not have a diagnosis yet, but the therapist refers him to do some bloodwork with another doctor, and asks him to return at a later date to have a follow up.

* * *

**8 December 2022**

_Donnerstag 23:17_

A few things came to Matteo’s mind at this moment.

David is a marvelous cook, as is Laura, as both of them alternate between cooking all the dishes Matteo has had so far this week. Aside from the one-time Matteo cooked _Pasta a la Luigi_ for them, but that is the only dish Matteo can cook without causing a bio-disaster. He just has never learned to cook properly (and that he was accused of lacking taste buds by David when this came up yesterday).

The second thing is David has not left the flat, at least when Matteo is awake. Which is not as groundbreaking as it sounds given the fact that Matteo tends to wake up near noon. But David is always in the flat keeping Matteo company, be it talking to him or just working on his scripts or sketching in the vicinity of Matteo.

The last one is a bit more of an unwelcoming thought. David has kept physical contact with Matteo to the minimum since he found his way to David’s arms last Friday. David seemed careful, too careful even, in Matteo’s opinion to not touch him.

Which is why, it is a bit of a pleasant surprise when Matteo finds David sitting in the bed, with his binder off and a huge hoodie thrown over his torso and talking to Matteo while both of them are covered by David’s duvet. David has been recounting about seeing a cat on his morning run (so David does go out after all) when he starts dropping off. David’s story has launched Matteo into talking about some of the dogs he likes, and the next thing he knows David is asleep and snoring lightly, with his body slumped against Matteo.

Matteo, in his opinion greedily, nuzzles David’s curls for a while, before carefully maneuvering David into lying down and he falls asleep next to David. In his sleep, he snuggles closer to David.

* * *

**9 December 2022**

_Freitag 09:07_

David feels his back easing against the familiar softness of his own mattress, his body covered by the fluffy duvet and warm in the cold winter air of the room. There is also a weight resting against the side of his body with an arm thrown over his waist. Some messy hair tickling against the side of his face.

He opens his eyes.

He is in his own bed and Matteo is snuggling up against him.

He inhales sharply when the realisation hits him, but he stays still, as he does not think it is feasible to extract himself from the vices of Matteo’s grip without waking him up. He does not know how Matteo would react if he wakes up to this either. He is fucked either way, David thinks, and it is his own fault that he apparently fell asleep in the bed.

He tries to relax himself and times his breath with Matteo’s, but he cannot fall back to sleep.

David is not sure how much time has passed, as his phone is out of reach and his attention is predominantly occupied by trying not to think of scenarios of what would happen when Matteo wakes up and finding them in this position.

He can hear and feel, rather than see Matteo waking up, as he keeps his eyes closed. Matteo rubs his face against David’s, before tightening his arm around David’s waist and letting out a soft yawn against the pillow. Then he can feel Matteo loosening his arms and shifting just a little away from David. Said arm then finds its way into David’s hair.

“You’re thinking so loud.” Matteo whispers.

David’s breath hitches. How did Matteo catch him?

He slowly turns over and opens his eyes, so he is face to face with Matteo.

“Hey.” He greets Matteo with a small smile.

“Morning.”

“You okay?” David asks. It can be a very innocent question, but David is worried that Matteo is not uncomfortable with how they are right now.

“I thought I was hallucinating for a moment.” Matteo says jokingly, though the intensity in his eyes staring straight at David belies the lightheartedness.

“I was afraid…you know, that you would be uncomfortable.” David says honestly.

Matteo replies without missing a beat. “I was afraid you don’t…want me anymore.”

David reaches out and catches the hand in his hair and laces his fingers with Matteo’s.

“We’re being idiots.”

* * *

**13 December 2022**

_Dienstag 11:24_

“I should get out of bed soon.” David mutters at the human koala clinging at his side in bed. Both of them are sitting up in bed, David trying to read his emails on his phone, while Matteo being a deadweight and occupying his left hand.

Matteo has gone back to the therapist yesterday where they went over the results of the tests as well as having another _chat_ with Matteo. Matteo came back out with the diagnosis of depression as well as some pills to go with him when he went back with David to the Schreibner flat.

Since that one night David unintentionally fell asleep in his own bed, Matteo has refused to let him leave him alone in sleep, and everyday he wakes up to Matteo clinging to his side. It is such a drastic contrast to the aloof and mysterious personality that David has first seen on that Good Friday a year and a half ago, and has seen numerous times since on the runway.

He knows now for sure that Matteo reciprocates the liking David has towards him, though there are still things he is yet to understand about Matteo, and he is sure that the same goes for Matteo about David as well, but one thing at a time.

“But I don’t want to.” Matteo whispers.

The _when_ they get to do that is also an issue, now that David thinks about it.

* * *

Matteo rolls off David’s side despite having just protested about getting out of bed and checks his phone again. There is nothing new aside from the regular messages from his mom about religion, as well as the worried questioning from Hans. He opens the chat dialogue again and scrolls through it.

_Hans_

“Butterfly, where are you? You aren’t in for days!” – 7 Dec, 19:04

_Matteo_

“I’m busy.” – 8 Dec, 13:28

_Hans_

“I know you’re not working, are you okay?” – Yesterday, 21:20

_Matteo_

“I’m with a friend, don’t worry.” – 11:27

“I should get back to Munich soon too.” David whispers next to him.

This jolts Matteo awake. He feels so comfortable around David. David who is caring and kind towards Matteo. David who wraps his arms around Matteo and makes him feel safe. He has let himself slip into this familiarity and the rare peace in his life of madness and he does not think he is about to be ready to let go anytime soon.

He rolls back over and wraps his arms over David’s waist.

“No.”

“Matteo.” David whispers. “I have to work.”

“Can I come with you?”

When David’s response does not come, Matteo raise his head and look at David, and sees David looking back at him and sending him a look.

“I think we have established maybe you do not want to go back to modeling, but can you just walk away from Berlin like this?” David asks with a slight hint of concern.

Matteo thinks he should be able to. One thing in his favour is that he does not spend much of his income. Other than the essentials – which are rent, food and weed, he has not thrown his money around much, if at all. He has some savings and he would not starve of come back to not having his room in the WG even if he just stops working for a short while altogether, even though he thinks it is not necessarily ideal. He thinks he prioritises this new normality with David more than anything else though.

He has known David for a while and he has always yearned to be closer to him, but circumstances never permitted that. Now that he thinks there is a reason or excuse to be near David, he is not going to let it slip away that easily. Especially not when this new normality with David anchors him in the stormy seas. Like the stormy seas in Matteo’s own eyes.

“Trust me, I can.” Matteo tells David sincerely, like every time they met up before, when he tells David that he was feeling better when he is with David, even though David could tell he was exhausted.

And David once again believes him. “Okay.”

Matteo takes out his phone and types out a text to his agent, telling her that he is not going to take up the various jobs scheduled for the Christmas season and new years due to health issues. Surprisingly, his agent for once does not call him up and try to talk him back into working.

They ventured back to the WG later in the day to pack a bag for Matteo. Hans was there and he raised his eyebrows at Matteo and asking the silent question of _who is that_, but Matteo just ignored him and dragged David with him back out of the door to the Schreibner flat once he was done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcomed and appreciated :)


	8. Crossroads

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missed last week's update slot as I posted a roadtrip one-shot for the Director AU: [The Spring Breeze in Italy](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20935121). We are now back in business!

**14 December 2022**

_Mittwoch 14:27_

Matteo is led by David on a short walk from the Central Station. Matteo has questioned the logic of not taking public transport from the station to wherever David lives in Munich, but David dismisses his protests despite the fact that Matteo has warned him of his general laziness, he just rolled his eyes at that. 

On their walk to wherever it is, Matteo realises they pass by the café that they have frequented previously when they met up in Munich. It is only a few streets over from the café, when David stops at the door of a residential building and leads Matteo up the stairs to the second floor and starts unlocking the door.

Then Matteo finds himself in a small but well maintained flat, he throws himself on the couch, being tired of the hours of traveling down south already. It is a rare time that he does not immediately get dragged to somewhere else for something, so he is letting himself enjoy that fully. If he has his way, he would just stay here for a long while before he even starts thinking about going somewhere else.

“Abdi’s moved back to Berlin, so it’s just us.” David says offhandedly as he goes into the kitchen.

Matteo did not know that, not that he minds it one bit.

“Where did he go then?” Matteo asks.

“He moved in with Carlos back in Berlin.” David says, his voice muffled by the noises of him clattering his pots as he apparently preparing to cook something. Matteo moves from the couch to the entrance of the kitchen.

“You’re joking.”

“No. I packed the boxes with them.” David says, while chopping up tomatoes.

“I’m making shakshuka by the way.”

* * *

_Mittwoch 15:21_

“You’re eating like a gremlin. Where are your table manners?” David mutters, while he puts down his spoon.

Matteo is devouring the food and wiping a piece of bread on the plate of tomato sauce while David rolls his eyes at him. Matteo is not fussed though, he is enjoying good food, and David can judge all he likes.

“I’m enjoying food.” Matteo retorts and ignores David, who starts cleaning up the dishes on the table. He pops the last bit of bread into his mouth, having wiped his plate clean with it.

He goes over to his bag and pulls out his prescription bottle and stares at it. He has not yet started with them, but he is trying to decide if he is going to take it after all.

After an inordinate amount of time, he uncaps the bottle and takes out a pill, examining it like it is the most interesting thing in the world. He pops it in his mouth and takes a sip from his glass of water to wash it down. It is like any other medicine, he supposes.

He picks up the now empty glass and his plate and turns towards the kitchen. What he did not expect is being greeted by David leaning against the door frame, with a soft smile looking back at him.

Matteo rounds David and washes the dishes then towels them off, while David is still somewhere around him, apparently now eating an apple.

David speaks when Matteo puts the glass back into the cupboard, and thus is done with the washing.

“I’m proud.”

Matteo feel a small blush forming on his cheek, so he dismisses it. “I suppose, like a flu you won’t get better if you just go to the doctor and not take the medicine?”

David reaches out and ruffles his hair. “Whatever you say.”

* * *

_Mittwoch 20:20_

“We should talk sleeping arrangements.” David says, having stewed over this topic for much of the afternoon.

“Hm?” Matteo asks, slightly disoriented as he has been fixating on the game of Zelda on David’s console for the past half-hour. He pauses the game and turns over to look at David properly.

He has put off talking about it because he is afraid that Matteo would take it the wrong way.

“So…there’s two beds in this house.”

Matteo stares at him. “Okay?”

David rubs his palms “I suggest you take the empty room.”

Matteo’s eyes widen.

David rushes to add, “It’s just that I have to be out of the house very early for the next few days, and I want you to sleep well without me waking you up?”

Matteo stares at him for a few moments and David is about to say fuck it when he agrees. “Okay. We can do that.”

David smiles at Matteo and lets out a breath he does not know he has been holding. He really means what he says and he was afraid that Matteo would take it the wrong way.

“Can I at least get a hug?” Matteo asks quietly.

David wraps Matteo in a hug. “I will give you all the hugs if it is what you want.” David did not have himself down as a sap, nor has he had Matteo down as a clingy boy, but this shows what he knows (which is nothing), he supposes.

* * *

**22 December 2022**

_Donnerstag 15:33_

Matteo has stayed holed up in David’s flat since crossing the threshold more than a week ago, in favour of playing various games, like Zelda, Mario Kart and an array of other games, some of which David said were left behind by Abdi. Aside from the weekend, there is not a single day where David is still in the flat by the time Matteo woke up near noon, and David would not show up back in the flat in the evening and cook for them or bringing take out with him. In the hours left to his own devices, Matteo usually raids David’s fridge for ingredients to make toasties, or simply eat whatever cereal box that is currently open. One of the things he does best, however, is making sure he takes his prescriptions on time every day. It does not feel different, if he were being honest, but he reasons that maybe no news is good news, and he counts not falling into a hole recently as a win as well.

He is now holding a pear and biting into it directly and coming back out of the kitchen to flop on the couch once again. He is about to unpause his game on the TV when he feels his phone vibrating.

_Jonas_

“Hey Luigi, Hans is holding a party on the 24th. Will you be at the WG?” – 15:35

He stares at it for a while, trying to process the question as well as thinking about a lot of things. He starts typing and deleting things in response to Jonas, but he keeps failing to articulate what he wants to say. He presses the call button on a whim, but before he could regret it, Jonas picks up.

“Hey Luigi.” Jonas’ voice comes over the phone.

“Uh…hey.”

“Didn’t expect you to call me.”

Matteo knows Jonas does not mean it, but it is a kick right into his gut. Jonas is like a brother to him, and there was a time when there is nothing that they would not tell each other. Matteo always confided in him about things that were on his mind and Jonas always helped him out on things. Then the thing, as in falling hopelessly in love with Jonas happened, he may have also caused a break up between Jonas and Hanna. But Jonas still did not turn on him. What really happened, however, is them finishing abi, and Jonas going to university. Matteo feels stuck while everyone is moving on and that he is losing his connection with Jonas and all his other friends. His episode after episode of sadness isolated himself from his friends too, and he does not know when it started, but Matteo starts passing up on going to meetups with his friends whenever they are in town even when they specifically ask him to come. He does not know what is going on in Jonas’ life anymore, and Jonas does not either, aside from the front he is putting on as a public figure.

He takes in a shaky breath.

“I miss you, Jonas.”

“Luigi. Are you okay?” Jonas asks concernedly.

Matteo really misses his friends, now that it is sinking in. He stares at the TV screen. He misses the days when it is the four of them hanging out and doing dumb things like playing Mario Kart, or playing table tennis at the park. He misses the days when it is the four of them sat in a living room holding a beer and a joint in their hands, just chilling out and listening to the dumb conversations of his friends. He misses the simpler times when they are more carefree and when he does not need to think about fending for himself. He is also so in his head that he does not hear the front door opening.

He bites back a sob and disguises it with a heavy sigh that is much shakier than he thought would be. If Jonas picked up anything, he said nothing about it nonetheless.

“No. I went to a therapist. Depression.” Matteo whispers, not trusting his voice. He feels a dip in the couch next to him and an arm wrapping around his waist. David. He lightly leans against David’s side and relaxes a little bit. A few stray tears slip out of his eye.

He hears a sharp inhale of breath from the other end of the line.

“Do you want me to come to you?”

“No, I’m in Munich at David’s.”

“You’re at David’s?” There is a hint of incredulity in Jonas’ voice.

“Yeah. Let’s go out for a dürum when I come back? Like the old times?”

“I would love to.” Jonas says, then a brief pause, “We have a lot to catch up on.”

“We do.”

“See you next year, eh?”

Matteo breaks a small smile at that dumb joke. “Yeah.”

David just held him for a long time on the couch. Matteo’s pear forgotten on the coffee table, and the game staying paused on the television.

* * *

**24 December 2022**

_Samstag 17:03_

Matteo slots into the life of being lazy and around David relatively easily, as he is just chilling in the flat and not doing any real-life things, not even going out. He feels a bit less stressed when the only human being he deals with is David. There is, however, oddly, a palpable tension in the air that can be cut by a butter knife in the flat when David is home. It is a bit weird, as Matteo gets to be hugged by David and hold his hand if he wants to, but he feels like they are too careful around each other, especially when only weeks ago Matteo got to curl up against David in bed. He misses this feeling. If he is being real for a moment, he is afraid of losing David.

David evidently senses that something is not quite right too, as he has been sighing a lot today. Eventually David sets down the book he has been reading on the armchair by the window and walks over to Matteo, who is watching some dumb cartoon on the television. Matteo mutes it when David sits down on the coffee table right in front of Matteo.

“Let’s make a deal.”

Matteo leans back and considers David.

“Okay?”

“You haven’t even heard me out yet.”

“As long as you’re not kicking me out or something it’ll probably be fine.” Matteo shrugs.

A look of hurt crosses David’s face fleetingly, though he composes himself very quickly, and Matteo would not have caught it if he blinked at that moment.

“Where did that come from?” David mutters, more to himself than to Matteo, he figures, as he continues, “I think we are doing a shit job at communicating and I suggest that we talk, and in return I’ll give you something.”

“Okay.” Matteo says with more certainty this time.

“So, what’s on your mind?” David asks directly.

“I haven’t been sleeping well lately.”

David hums.

“The few days in Berlin when I got to have you in the bed were the best few nights for me in years.” Matteo whispers, averting his eyes in embarrassment. “I guess I let myself slip into that familiarity way too easily and now I’m afraid I’ll lose it.” _You._ “That I will not get to have it again.”

“You could have just told me.” David says, a hint of concern in his voice.

“I…deep down I know…” Matteo starts, “but…” he sighs, not knowing how to continue. It is an insecurity of his and he contemplates if he is going to talk about it now. He takes a look at David and decides he would let David in on it.

“When I was a child, I was always told off by my father for being _needy_ and not _independent_ enough. Then when my mother got depressed and becoming more of a handful and _dependent_ and needs looking after, he just decided he has had enough of it.”

“What did he do?” David asks quietly.

“He upped and left.” Matteo bites out.

“I lose things…I lost my family and somewhere along the lines I lost my friends as well…”

“That’s not true, you were on the phone with Jonas recently.” David protests.

“I just try to not let myself be a trouble for anyone because I’m afraid I would lose them. And I’m afraid I will…” Matteo pauses.

_I’m afraid I will drive you away because I’m needy and dependent_.

David reaches out and grabs his hand. “Let me tell you a thing Kalle told me when I went to therapy a few years ago.”

Matteo holds David’s hand tightly and nods.

“He told me that every person is an island.”

Matteo involuntarily snorts, and David tugs at his hand, but continues. “To connect from island to island, we have to build bridges. And in life, we build bridges through words.”

“If we do not communicate with people, then we lose connection with people. Then we will just be only alone in the vast seas.”

Matteo nods.

“I’m sorry that you had to experience that, but not everyone is like that. It always helps to talk.”

“Okay. I can try that. I just find most human interactions draining.”

“Why do you do modeling then?”

That is a valid question to ask.

“I fell into it unintentionally, I guess.” Matteo unlaces his fingers with David’s and rubs his face, then he leans back, contemplating his words carefully.

“I think I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to go to uni after abi, and I didn’t know what I want to study either – so I just went and work in the café because I needed the money. My father has been paying for my living expense as sort of a shitty way to _compensate_ for leaving, but he just decided to stop when I graduated.”

He pauses to rearrange his thoughts. David lets him, as he very often gets that Matteo needs the space to do this and does not talk over him.

“Then one day when I was heading home, this lady, who’s now my agent approached me and invited me to a model casting?” He realises how ridiculous it sounds in retrospect. “I needed the money then because I was short on hours, so I went. Then it all went from there.”

“I hate pretty much all facets of this…taking your shirt off in front of people for casting; being the center of attention; being forced to entertain _powerful people_ in the industry and all the other bullshit. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, because I know many people die to be in my position, but…”

“That is valid.” David assures him. He looks at Matteo after a beat, then pats his knees and stands up and start walking towards his room. “See? We can communicate just fine.”

Matteo nods, before he remembers something. “So what do I get?”

David comes back with a small paper bag from a clothing store. He hands it over to Matteo. He peeks into it and see a black beanie of the same design as David’s indigo beanie, which Matteo is currently wearing.

“Since you always steal my beanie.”

Matteo turns away and smiles secretly. “It keeps me warm.”

_And it reminds Matteo of David_.

* * *

**25 December 2022**

_Sonntag 10:04_

Matteo wakes up to his nose pressed against David’s neck and a strong arm wrapped around his waist securely. He nuzzles his nose against David’s sharp jaw line that he has never stopped wanting to touch.

“Hey.” David jostles him.

“Morning.”

“Had some good sleep?”

Matteo rolls off David and opens his eyes.

“Yep. Best Christmas present I’ve ever got.”

David fluffs his hair.

“Come on, get up. We’re making Christmas dinner today.”

* * *

**9 January 2023**

_Montag 14:47_

David has been hard at work with his film since the turn of the year, while Matteo seemed pretty normal staying in his flat. As far as David could tell, Matteo has still not ventured outside. This is why it surprised David quite a bit, when Matteo actually got dressed in his multiple layers of grandpa sweaters and joined him at the front door as David was getting ready for a run to the grocery store on a rare day of rest.

Matteo looks much less exhausted than David remembered from before, and is lighter and smiling more as he tagged along while David makes his way through the grocery store and grabbing the necessary ingredients and supplies to restock his flat.

He doesn’t say anything when he discovers a few extra bags of chips when they reach the queue but makes Matteo take the heavier bag for him as a payback.

When they get back to the flat, Matteo even helps David on putting away the groceries too.

“I’m going to teach you to cook tonight.” David says, when they are done.

“I know how to cook!” Matteo shoots back.

“One dish. And weird sandwiches.”

Matteo having some basic knowledge about how to survive in the kitchen makes it easier for David to teach Matteo to cook other real dishes. For the evening, David tries for the _Jaeger Schnitzel mit Spaetzle_, which is one of the more simple and staple food for most people.

While it is a bit messy trying to get Matteo to not to screw it up, the dish that came out of it is quite good and David enjoyed the meal. It being a product of hard labour and effort of getting Matteo to try and make it might have made it taste more delicious than it really is, but that is besides the point.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, whenever David has time, Matteo gets dragged into the kitchen with him as David tries to teach Matteo more dishes and lets Matteo do most of the preparation and cooking while David watches over him and instructs him. Matteo picks up most dishes quite quickly, and when David expressed his amazement at that, he just cheekily claimed that Italians are superior chefs. David just has to point to the abomination of a sandwich that Matteo once fed him to shut him up.

Matteo does not go out often, but on days that he feels good and slightly more energetic, he would venture out of the flat, be it volunteering to pick up groceries for David, simply going out for a walk in the nearby park, or going into the city center to window shop for a short while. There is even one occasion where David brought Matteo out to the café they frequented previously, and they again sat in _that booth_ by the window as they hung out in the relative privacy there.

* * *

**26 January 2023**

_Mittwoch 08:39_

Matteo wakes up earlier than he usually does, though it is not that much of a surprise, as he has been slowly syncing his sleep schedule with David’s, which entails both getting to bed and waking up earlier. Having David to cuddle in sleep is one of the best things that has happened in his life and he is enjoying every single second of it.

He is not entirely awake yet, but he enjoys the feeling of David’s fingers running through his unkempt hair, with a light pressure against his scalp. He shifts his body so he is more on top of David. The friction from this movement sends a jolt of pleasure through his body, and at the same time Matteo could hear a sharp inhale from David.

Only when David throws his arms around Matteo and hold him in place, does Matteo realise what he has just done.

He opens his eyes in rising panic and tries to roll away in embarrassment. However he cannot really move anywhere with David’s thick and strong arms holding him securely. He reluctantly raises his head to look at David, who is looking back at him with a soft but unreadable expression.

David brings one hand up to run it down his face, he seems to be waiting for Matteo to say something.

David asks quietly when Matteo still stays silent after a few beats, though a _problem_ is still firmly pressed against David’s thigh. “Is this what you want?”

Matteo buries his head back in the crook of David’s neck and whispers, “Yes.”

Before Matteo knows what is happening, David has pushed himself up the bed and flipped Matteo over, so that now Matteo is lying against David’s body. Under the covers, one of David’s legs is stuck between Matteo’s, edging them a bit further apart.

“Tell me to stop anytime you need me to.” David whispers against the shell of Matteo’s ear.

David’s left hand keeps holding Matteo in place across his waist, while his other hand slowly drifts down and disappears under the duvet. Then fingers dip behind the hem of his pajama bottoms. Matteo holds his breath, as the hand ghosts over his thigh, before cupping over his hard on gently through his underwear.

He involuntarily squirms at the contact and tries to chase David’s hand when he retracts it.

“You doing good?” David asks quietly.

Matteo nods.

David’s hand then grabs hold of the hem of both Matteo’s pajama bottoms and underwear, and Matteo gets the hint and shrugs them off in one go, freeing himself of the confines.

“I’ve never done this, by the way.” David says nonchalantly, as he kicks the duvet off the bed with his legs and grabs hold of Matteo and gives him a few feather light strokes. Matteo involuntarily moans at the friction. This encourages David as he tightens his grip and gradually increases his pace.

While David claims that he is new to this, the amount of pleasure Matteo is getting out of this would not have given the impression of this, had David not told him.

If Matteo can formulate clear thoughts, he might have been embarrassed how quickly he has come undone under the ministrations of David. He squirms and trembles as he tethered along the edge, and David gave him a few final firm strokes and Matteo moans loudly as he makes a mess on both his sleep T-shirt and David’s hand which worked him through the climax.

Eventually, when Matteo comes down from cloud nine, he can feel David pressing soft kisses on his hair.

“That was…the best one I’ve had…in a long time.” Matteo gasps out as he tries to regain his breath.

“It was hot.” David mutters, as he deposits Matteo on the bed. He later came back with a new towel and wipes Matteo down, as well as giving him a new change of clothes.

* * *

_Mittwoch 09:09_

Matteo has been mulling over this since he got back to his senses. He is now leaning against the kitchen counter and staring out of the little window in there, while David is fixing up tea for both of them. He takes a breath.

“This is not a fling to me. I need you to know that.” He tries to keep his voice steady and not let any fear seep into it. The afterglow from bed already gone.

David puts down the mugs and slides one of it over to in front of Matteo.

“It is never a fling to me.” He says simply.

“You must have heard some rumors…” Matteo says, still staring out of the window.

He feels David’s hand holding his arm. He turns over to look at David. “I did. But that does not matter to me.”

* * *

**28 January 2023**

_Freitag 14:24_

David’s wanderlust has been eating at him for a while, as he has been bogged down by his directing work for most of the days since the turn of the year, and even when he is not filming, he finds himself occupied by the thought of filming, be it at the flat or walking outside. Having hit a milestone on his film earlier in the week, he can finally rest easy for a while.

This is why he finds himself pulling out his photography gear and organising into his bag, after having had a late lunch made by Matteo, who for once does not make a gross sandwich but a delicious and filling one. Matteo is observing David on the perch formerly known as David’s bed and eyeing him with interest.

“Where are you going?” Matteo asks nonchalantly.

The thing is, despite repeatedly establishing the fact that they are shit communicators and agreeing to communicate, they have again failed to communicate since the _morning_ incident. They have continued to operate like a pair of binary stars, as if nothing has happened, aside from the fact that tension has once again been fizzling between the two of them, as they deftly sidestepped what they have done that morning.

“Going to take some pictures. Are you coming with?” David asks.

There is this place in Munich that David knows is right inside the city, but is one of those abandoned places that he can take Matteo with him to. If he agrees to come with. He looks at Matteo in the eye and holds his gaze, willing him to agree to it.

“Sure.”

* * *

_Freitag 16:07_

This place fades in comparison to the mysteriousness of other abandoned places David has been to. It also fades in comparison to the beauty of the stunning natural sights he has always chased relentlessly. However, David thinks this place still has its beauty and meaning behind it. 

“A train station?” Matteo asks, when he sees where they are.

“_Bahnhof Olympiastadion_. It’s an abandoned station.”

David keeps walking, leading Matteo to the barricade and slips through it, as they both head inside the station. It has been abandoned for two decades, many of it’s interiors ripped apart and the railway lines truncated from the railway system. It is an island.

They walk down the stairs to the barren platform of the station. David hops down to the disused track as he starts to take pictures of the surroundings, highlighting the desolation of the environment and the graffiti that litters the concrete structure. In the deep winter weather and snow-covered environment, the mood of desolation is particularly prevalent.

When David turns and look up towards the platform, he can see Matteo staring off to the distance contemplatively. He quickly takes a few steps to get a good angle and gets a picture of the side profile of Matteo’s against the backdrop of the station building. Matteo turns to look at David when he hears the shutter sound and catches David.

“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.” David says sheepishly. “I saw something beautiful.”

Matteo blushes and turns away from David, continuing to follow down the train line. He sits down and hangs his legs off the platform, while David starts to get the perfect photo of the station that shows the tone of desolation in snow and surrounded by errant plants.

From the corner of his eye, he can see Matteo turning his head back and forth, considering David and also the scene in front of David with interest, as if he is trying to figure out what he is trying to capture.

“Do you want to have a go?” David asks, offering Matteo his camera.

Matteo eyes his camera for a beat, before hopping down to the tracks and stands next to David. “Are you sure?”

“Well, I asked.” David wraps the strap around Matteo’s right arm so the camera would not fall to the ground even if he somehow lets go of it.

The next fifteen minutes becomes a matter of role reversal, as David becomes the one who follows Matteo around as he takes pictures. What David did not really expect, is Matteo getting really committed in taking photos, as he crouches and climbs and everything else just to try and look for a good shot when David knows for a fact that Matteo and sports do not exist in the same universe. He actually had to pull him by his arm to stop him from lying down face first on the tracks to do whatever he was planning to do.

“So, why this place?” Matteo asks, walking on the track adjacent to David’s, still clutching David’s camera like he’s a pro.

They now find themselves at the far end of the platform.

“I guess…this is like an analogy of my life, or our lives.”

David turns around and look at the derelict station building.

“At one point in our lives, we find ourselves arriving at this station that is shoved off to the side, forgotten and disconnected from the rest of the world.”

Matteo hums from somewhere next to him.

“But unlike trains, we have our own legs. We do not need to rely on the tracks that are not here anymore to get to where we want to be. We can get there if we have the will to walk.” David says, turning back and looking at the ground in the distance where the section of rail has been removed.

“We are not alone. There is still a world full of people and things waiting for us, there is not a wall right here blocking us in. We will get there somehow, sometime.”

Their tracks merge, and David meets Matteo at the junction.

“Somewhere along the lines though, our paths crossed.”

He steps closer to Matteo, and now they are sharing the same breath of air.

“I usually resent the idea of fate, but maybe I can make an exception for this.”

“For what?” Matteo whispers.

David gives in to his impulses and closes the small gap between them, kissing Matteo softly then quickly pulls back.

Matteo stares at dumbly for a few seconds, and just when David is about to get cold feet and _run_, Matteo grabs his face with both hands and pulls David back in, as they trade soft kisses with an undertone of desperation. Everything feels right all of a sudden, like both of them have found the home they have been looking for so long.

“Matteo.” David gasps out as he is trying to catch his breath and still running on the rush of adrenaline from kissing Matteo, “I love you.”

Matteo’s eyes widen, but he quickly recovers, rubbing his nose against David’s.

He then pulls back and look straight into David’s eyes.

“You’re the man of my dreams, David Schreibner.”

David is the _man of Matteo’s dreams._ He is not sure if Matteo knows how much the words mean to David, as he is overcome with emotions evoked by this and feels something pricking at the back of his eyes. He blinks quickly and pulls Matteo into a bone crushing hug, which is reciprocated by Matteo, just to hide the tears threatening to spill out of his eyes.

“You’re so cheesy.” David whispers, his voice with a hint of wobble.

“I mean it,” Matteo insists. “I’ve never really had the feeling of being seen and understood with all the _other people_. And I love you, David. I thought I have been in love before, but I have never felt like _this_.”

David presses a soft kiss on Matteo’s neck. He has never entertained the idea of getting Matteo in his arms _and_ it meaning anything. He is doing it now.

Matteo continues. “It’s been ninety-five weeks since I first met you.”

This causes David to pull back and look at Matteo’s face. He is blushing and looking sheepish.

“You’ve been counting?”

Matteo turns away. “Yeah.”

David reaches out and tilts Matteo’s head back to looking at David, so he could kiss him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcomed and appreciated :)
> 
> <del>Hope you enjoyed what I called the budget pool scene and</del> hope it worked out well :)


	9. Seven Years

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we reach the promised land.  
With love from me, enjoy.

**2 February 2023**

_Donnerstag 20:19_

_Missed Calls (4) – Carolin (Agent)_

_Carolin (Agent)_

“Where are you? London is in two weeks you should be in Berlin now.” – 20:07

Matteo is lying on the bed and staring at the message on his phone, which has popped onto the screen several minutes ago. He knows what he should do and wants to do, really, but doing it for real is an entirely different matter. The handheld gaming console he intended to play is left on his side, all but forgotten. 

While Matteo is mulling it over, David comes back to the bedroom and plops himself in front of the laptop on the desk, as he starts clicking around, seemingly looking at something. Matteo figures it is another session of research or brainstorming or whatever David does for his directing work.

What he does not expect, however, is David starting to talk while on his computer.

“What will you do now?”

It startles Matteo out of his thoughts. He rolls over to look at David, whose eyes are still glued to the screen.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

David clicks a few more buttons, then he closes his laptop and looks at Matteo.

“What do you plan to do now? and in the future?”

Matteo sits up facing David, tossing his phone to the side.

“My agent is hounding me trying to get me to go to London.”

David rolls his chair forwards, so now their knees are touching. David’s face full of concern and David’s hands in his own lap.

“You’re not seriously going back to that, are you?”

He just shrugs and decides to tell the truth. “I am over it. It is just that it will be real when I say it, and there is so much uncertainty going forward.”

“And you hate change.” David adds.

“I do.”

Matteo has also had a long conversation with Jonas over the phone earlier in the day while David was outside and at a meeting for the filming of the TV series he is involved in. He pretty much occupied Jonas’ afternoon just to talk about all the happenings since they last saw each other, as well as floating the idea of finally going to university. Jonas was very supportive of Matteo, and even told Matteo that he is one of the smartest guys he has ever known. Matteo does not believe it, but he is thankful his best friend still accepts, loves and supports him even after all this time.

Through his conversations with Jonas, as well as briefly texting Amira later, he has some ideas what he wants to do as well as what he should do going forward, but he wants to run it by David as well. _His boyfriend_ is always thoughtful and insightful, and he would take full advantage of it.

“I’ve also talked to Jonas today.”

“Hm? What about?”

“What I want to do, and also going back to uni.”

“You want to go to uni?” David asks, showing mild surprise at Matteo’s sentiment, which is a fair reaction given how Matteo has not expressed an interest of going, and only said that he did not go because he felt lost, as well as being bogged down by modeling.

“I think I just never knew what I want to study. It would be cool if I get to go somewhere.” Matteo shrugs. “Jonas said I am one of the smartest person he knows and it would be cool if I go. I don’t believe him.”

“I don’t believe him either.” David says, without missing a beat or blinking.

Matteo lets out an indignant yelp and slaps David’s _thick_ thigh. “You’re supposed to be supportive.”

“Well, I support your decision of getting further education.” David raises his eyebrows and saying matter-of-factly.

Matteo rolls his eyes, but David soothes his fingers over the back of Matteo’s hand and he couldn’t help but let a small smile tug at his lips.

“I am thinking about studying environmental science or something.”

“I remember seeing you always posting about climate change and sustainability in your Insta stories.”

Matteo is mildly surprised that David even noticed. If there is one thing that he has done persistently, is using the following of his finsta to advocate for sustainability causes, linking petitions, important articles, news about demos and a lot more, trying to raise the awareness on these important issues. David never talked to him about seeing them and he assumed maybe David just did not pay attention. But maybe it is just another piece of evidence to show that they do not talk nearly enough with each other.

“Yeah, it is a topic of interest for me and I thought it would be cool to learn more about it.” He pauses, trying to think of a way to articulate his thinking, “But I want to explore other options as well, in terms of what I want to do in the future.”

“What do you mean?”

Matteo has some thoughts about this, but he does not want to tell David about it yet.

“I know I don’t have a problem against working on things about the environment at all, but I think I might find other things I would want to do even more along the way. Because I don’t think I’m the type of guy that likes to wear a suit and sit in an office somewhere or something. That’s what I’m trying to say.”

“Playing the mysterious card, are you?”

* * *

**3 February 2023**

_Freitag 10:41_

_Matteo_

“I’m pulling out of the fashion week season.” – 10:41

“In fact, I think I will let our contract lapse at its conclusion.” – 10:42

David gave him a hug after Matteo has sent off the messages. Gossip articles about _Matteo Florenzi pulling out of fashion week_ pops up left, right and center. They pay no mind to it.

* * *

**8 February 2023**

_Mittwoch 14:25_

“Why are we doing this?” Matteo is obviously trying for being annoyed, but instead he cannot hide his smile as he asks the question to David. He is being dressed in a plain white t-shirt with David’s tan overcoat thrown over him and sat on a stool. His undercut hair unkempt and somehow surrounded by some basic shooting equipment David has pulled out from nowhere, making the accent wall of the living room the scene of a photoshoot.

“As your boyfriend, I want to have dibs on your last shoot as a model.” David says cheekily, his eyebrows dancing as he holds his camera in his hand.

“And also I have never done portraits for you.” David says, as he starts taking pictures of Matteo. As if he is programmed to do it, Matteo easily slips back to his emotionless face, throwing gazes at the camera when David asks him to look into it.

David tells him that he feels Matteo looks different from the first time when he saw him, when it was Laura doing the shots for Matteo. He does not explain though, even when Matteo asks, what does he mean by that. He just says Matteo looks _better_ and even more _stunning_ than he ever looked. He rolled his eyes at his boyfriend gushing over him in his face.

David makes him change into a few outfits he has picked out for him and looks very _David_ in the fashion sense as opposed to Matteo’s usual baggy clothes throughout this at-home shoot.

He thinks neither he nor David could really explain how somewhere along the lines, Matteo finds the button down he should be dressed in flung to the ground; David’s camera set carefully on the ground; plus, a David Schreibner sat in his lap and kissing down his neck.

Good thing they don’t have to explain this to anyone.

* * *

On Matteo’s finsta, he posts the candid took of him at the train station, accompanied by a pair of pictures selected from the various David has taken of him from the shoot.

** _matteoflorenzi_ **

_The End. _ _❌_

📷_: @da_vid.gif_

* * *

**14 February 2023**

_Dienstag 20:55_

They have been out at a restaurant that is relatively fancier than those they would usually go to for dinner, as Matteo went to the film set to meet up with David and go out for a dinner date together. Throughout dinner, in the dim light of the restaurant, they were incessantly flirting with each other, as David got Matteo to blush redder and redder as time goes on, all the while their legs were rubbing against each other under the table as well.

There is no doubt in David’s mind that Matteo is incredibly worked up, especially when instead of letting David open the door, Matteo is pressed up against him and kissing him greedily and their tongues battling for dominance.

David has to physically push Matteo against the walls to open then close the front door to the flat, before pulling Matteo by the hem of his shirt into his room.

Who is David kidding? He himself is incredibly worked up as well.

In the two weeks since Matteo rubbed his hard on against David’s thigh in the morning, they haven’t done anything beyond David getting Matteo off with his hand, ostensibly because they are taking it slow.

They make quick work of each other’s clothes, so now they are just in their underwear, and David in his binder. David deposits Matteo on the bed and places a kiss on his nose.

“Just a moment.” He says, as he gets back off the bed and shrugs out of his binder with his back facing the bed. Matteo has seen him in his binder plenty of times, as they live in the same room, and he has always respected David’s wish to turn away when he is taking off or putting on his binder, so he does not feel the need to get out of the room anymore just to do it. He picks up Matteo’s baggy t-shirt from the floor and pulls it on, before climbing back above Matteo, whose breath hitches when he sees David in his t-shirt.

“Is it bad to say I’m excited?” Matteo whispers.

“Well, me too.” David whispers back as he cheekily moves his thigh over to offer some friction to Matteo, who lightly moans with pleasure. This is unchartered territory for both of them.

Before David can make his way down though, Matteo grabs his arm and says, “I want to make you feel good.”

This is how David lets himself pulled up the bed his underwear flung to the floor and his thighs landing on both sides of Matteo’s head. Matteo starts getting him off right there and then, and the waves of pleasure spreading from his crotch to the rest of his body makes him weak, making him lean a log of his weight to the wall behind the headboard of the bed. He lets out a drawn out moan as Matteo’s tongue pushes him off the edge and he nearly collapses on top of Matteo after that, landing next to him and heaving, catching his breath.

Eventually when David comes back to his senses, he notices Matteo’s still very visible _problem_. Matteo is squirming a bit from how _hard_ the _problem_ is. David takes pity of him and sits up, sliding down Matteo’s underwear in one swift motion. He does not do anything more beyond that, however, and just hovers over Matteo again and pulls him into a kiss while Matteo pushes his hips into the air in search of any kind of friction.

David slowly kisses down from Matteo’s neck, to his nipples, to his stomach and navel, before finally taking Matteo in his mouth. Matteo lets out a moan at finally getting something on him, as David starts trying to swirl his tongue and doing various things he has learnt on the internet _for science_. Judging by the responses he is getting from Matteo, he seems to be doing the right things.

He pauses when Matteo gasps out something.

“Fuck me.”

He pull off from Matteo, ignoring his throbbing as he opens the drawer of the nightstand, grabbing the lube he bought _just in case_, next to the other item he has bought at the same time. He slicks up his fingers and inserts them into Matteo and starts working him and adding fingers when Matteo demands it.

He stills his hand, with his fingers still in Matteo. He tries to fuck himself on David’s hand, but is stopped by David placing a hand on his stomach. David climbs up the bed and whispers into Matteo’s ear.

“I have a strap in my nightstand.”

Matteo’s eyes fly open and he looks at David.

“Fuck, David.”

The next thing David knows, he is wearing his strap on and pushing slowly into Matteo, who groans in pleasure. This is entirely new to him, as he tries to fuck into Matteo, and feels an odd sense of power and pleasure from having Matteo moan and whimper under him. He also uses a free hand to work on Matteo in sync with his motions.

Matteo comes all over his stomach and chest, moaning David’s name as he reaches his climax, and David thinks it is the hottest thing he has ever seen – pure bliss and pleasure of his beautiful and soft boyfriend underneath him.

David wipes Matteo down with a towel, after taking off his strap. They fall asleep right there and then, not even bothering to go to shower and clean themselves properly.

* * *

**15 February 2023**

_Mittwoch 10:53_

“You smell.” Those are first words to come out of Matteo’s mouth for the day. David has been awake for at least half an hour, playing with Matteo’s hair while he has Matteo curled up into his side. He contemplated getting up and getting shower, but he does not want to have Matteo wake up in bed alone after last night, so he stays here instead. And this is what he gets, when he is pretty sure both of them smell equally horrible from their _activities_ last night.

“I’m hurt by that.” David says dramatically, letting the theatre kid in him take over for a moment. Matteo leans up and kisses him, David tries to turn away, but Matteo is having none of it.

“You’re not seriously going to deny me a morning kiss just because of that, are you?” Matteo asks with a cheeky smile.

It hits David how Matteo is glowing with his smile and looks so carefree and content at this moment, compared to the melancholic and distant boy he first saw all those times ago. He grabs Matteo’s neck and pulls him in, giving in to the demand for a kiss.

Matteo leans back contently on David’s shoulder.

After a few moments, he lets out an amused chuckle.

“Don’t tell me you googled how to fuck me like _that_.” He says with amusement, referencing to when David told him that he googled and found out he is transgender.

He hits Matteo’s shoulder.

“Don’t act like you haven’t googled for gay tests or _researched_ on what you did last night.” David says accusingly.

Matteo just turns away and pretends he did not hear that. David jostles him and gets up from the bed.

“Since I smell I’m going to shower.” He announces and marches out of the room.

Matteo just groans at having been abandoned in bed. He hugs David’s pillow instead.

* * *

**27 February 2023**

_Montag 18:30_

Matteo unlocks the door to the flat and gets back in to where he has more or less made his home these days. Hans has badgered him about going back, but he has more or less given up doing so after Matteo told him he would not be back until the summer.

He pokes his head into the kitchen and sees David putting something into the oven. David lights up when he sees Matteo.

“How’s the café?”

“I can’t believe you ask about the café rather than me.” Matteo shoots back.

David rolls his eyes. “You know what I meant. How was your shift?”

Matteo, feeling better and a bit bored holed up in David’s flat, has decided to go look for somewhere to work for the time being so he could make some money rather than continue eating into his savings, as well as to pass his time. Somehow, he came up with the genius idea to try to get a job at _their café _a few streets down and actually got it. He is pretty sure the owner of the café, a lady in her fifties, recognises his face, but he said nothing about it.

For the first time, Matteo actually enjoys working at a café. Partly because Matteo is not going to work while feeling absolutely shit, and partly because he is a bit more energetic and has more tolerance for human interaction these days. There is also the fact that some of the patrons for this café are a bit younger, mostly film school students like David once was, rather than the usual grumpy commuters that also pass through here.

“I had fun.” He tells David like it’s nothing big, while he fills a glass of water for himself.

David does not question this seemingly out of character sentiment, and only wraps an arm around his waist. “That’s good. I still can’t believe you chose to work at _our_ place out of all places. I have to go somewhere else now.” He says jokingly.

Matteo knocks his head against David’s lightly. “In my opinion, it’s the other way round. You should come as much as you can.”

* * *

David has a suspicion that Matteo deliberately lines up his shifts at the café with his filming schedule, as Matteo seems to always have the same day-offs as David’s, even though his filming schedules are very irregular. He does not say anything about that though, as he would never say no to more time with Matteo if this is what his boyfriend wants.

David spends a lot of time doing photography on his rest days recently, and Matteo tags along every time he can, showing great interest in what David does and marvels in the beauty of places David brings them to. Matteo often takes candid photos of David focused on taking pictures from the side, and David sometimes let Matteo have a go with his camera to take pictures while he observes his boyfriend having fun with it.

Sometimes when going through the pictures on his laptop, David is struck by the raw talent Matteo has behind the camera that matches the talent he has had in front of it, and he wonders if Matteo is interested in photography in a more serious manner.

He finds his old camera, the first one he bought shortly after getting into film school, in the back of his closet one day. He gave it to Matteo, who from then on went wild with it every time they go somewhere for pictures, be it in the city, in the countryside, or in some abandoned buildings. What David notices though, is he features a lot in Matteo’s pictures. Matteo just smiles whenever David brings it up, saying his boyfriend is too _hot_ and he could not resist. At some point David’s eyes might get permanently stuck in the back of his head given how much he rolls his eyes at Matteo in response to his antics.

* * *

**6 July 2023**

_Donnerstag 12:02_

“You know what’s good about Moabit?” Matteo asks, as they walk around the sixth flat they have been checking out for the day. David’s lease is up at the end of the month and he does not plan on staying in Munich as most of his friends, even those from film school there, have moved away from Munich since finishing school. Also, there is the fact that all the universities Matteo is applying to are in Berlin, and many of David’s friends are in Berlin as well, so Berlin seemed the logical choice to move to. 

Though if David is being honest for a second, Matteo is what seals the deal. In fact, if Matteo is going to move to somewhere like Freiburg, David would decide to move there instead without a single slither of doubt.

He likes this flat the most, out of all the ones they have been checking out. There are plenty of windows that makes the place nicely lighted and ventilated, and also plenty of space for David to place his plants. There is not a need to renovate the place, as the walls and floors are in quite a good state. The bedroom is also large enough for a nice and large bed in the middle. Throw in some furniture and they can call it good.

“Tell me.” David entertains Matteo.

“Well, it’s convenient and relatively cheap…lots of good restaurants and cafés, near the university I want to go to. It’s also quite hip, which suits you down to the ground. The _hauptbahnhof_ is also here, so you can get everywhere quickly for your director things…”

“Seems like you’re quite sold on this place.” David remarks.

“I like this flat,” Matteo admits sheepishly, “what do you think?” He looks at David hopefully.

“I…” David drags it out just because he can, pretending to think it over. “I like it too.” He says with a smirk.

Matteo tries to tackle him in a hug but David shoves him away so he can go to the real estate agent waiting for them in the living room and sort out everything to rent the place.

* * *

**7 July 2023**

_Freitag 18:40_

David is home having dinner with his sister as he wants to talk to her, and Matteo respects that, so he is now out here at the park where he and Jonas always went to for dürum and waiting for him to show up. 

Before Matteo is even aware, Jonas has wrapped an arm around his shoulder and is pulling him into a hug which Matteo reciprocates.

“Na?”

“I haven’t seen you in so long, Luigi.” Jonas says as he pulls away.

“Yeah, sorry – ”

“No, don’t be! I’m sorry for being a shit friend and not knowing about your issues.”

He could kiss his best friend right now aside from the fact that Jonas has a girlfriend and he has a boyfriend and also Jonas is not gay.

They stop in front of the dürum stand and Matteo pays for both of their food. Matteo ignores the knowing look from the owner, who evidently recognises Matteo’s face from all the billboards or whatever places his face his plastered on. He pays no mind to it, people will forget about his face quick enough anyway. He is never the subject in these pictures, only the medium to sell whatever products that needs to get sold.

They settle down on the same bench he and Jonas always hang out at, Matteo handing Jonas’ dürum over.

“How was Munich?”

“It was nice, chill. Worked in a café for a while.” He says nonchalantly.

Jonas takes a bite of his dürum, seemingly considering his words before continuing, though also looking at Matteo calculatingly.

“How about David?”

“What about David?”

“I don’t know, you two wind up knowing each other somehow, then the next thing we know you’ve disappeared into Munich with him for half a year and stopped being a model.” Jonas says matter-of-factly.

“Uhm…” Matteo rubs the back of his neck with his free hand, buying time for himself to consider his words, “I’m dating David. He’s my boyfriend.” He sees Jonas’ eyes widening. “And somethings happened in Milan…so I’ve decided I’m over it.”

“David’s a great guy. Good catch.” Jonas muses. Matteo hums in agreement.

“But what happened in Milan?” Jonas ask curiously.

Matteo winces. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it yet.”

He thinks Jonas can guess what he is insinuating, as he swiftly dropped the topic and steered the topic somewhere else, first about Matteo’s flat hunting, then about what he and Hanna has been up to recently, then talking about meeting up with the crew sometime soon.

Matteo missed this. And he is glad he can still have his best friend, his _brother_ by his side after all this time.

* * *

**15 August 2023**

_Dienstag 17:41_

For the move back up to Berlin, David packed the boxes of his things with Matteo’s help, if what he did could constitute as help, as well as picking up the small amount of furniture that did not come with the flat when he and Abdi rented the place. He and Matteo then loaded these things into the van, aside from the fact that Matteo has the strength of a twig, so it was more David moving things and Matteo just being there to sort of help holding things up.

Matteo was surprised that David could drive, but David was more surprised that at age 23, Matteo Florenzi still does not know how to drive. They moved into the new flat at the end of July and slept on a mattress on the floor for the first few days, before they eventually went out and bought the necessary furniture together and put them up in the flat. Matteo also moved his things from the WG over to the flat, finally leaving Hans and Linn behind. Hans was extremely dramatic about Matteo leaving, but he just rolled his eyes and told Hans he is not cutting him out of his life, which placated him somewhat.

The new flat is nice and cozy and feels like home, and a space of David and Matteo’s own. To be fair, he feels home is where David is, for that is where his heart is.

They are now making their way across town to Hanna’s, where the crew is meeting up. His memory is a bit iffy about the whereabouts of Hanna’s place is, and he is only relying on his boyfriend to lead the way so he does not get lost on the way there. It still blows his mind a little, how Matteo and David have such overlapped in friends, but have not met each other through them. He guesses he can only blame himself for ghosting his friends about this.

Before he knows it, he is sat on the floor in front of the couch at Hanna’s, leaning his head against David’s knees, within the circle of his friends. A lot of people eye them with knowing looks and smirks, and he wonders if someone has already let the cat out of the bag already.

“Okay, but why is no one talking about Carlos and Abdi over there?” Matteo can hear David exclaiming from behind him, his arms and fingers outstretched, gesturing at the pair opposite them.

“Bro, what about us?” Abdi asks, as innocently as he can. Matteo can see through him without even trying.

“You’re fucking.” Matteo replies without missing a beat, his head not even leaving David’s knees. Jonas, from the side, yells in delight and sounding like he’s been bit by a dog or something.

They banter about everything like they have had in the past, and catch up with each other, and particularly on Matteo since he has been a ghost for so long. They also try to get information out of both Matteo and David about _what _they are, but they do not say much beyond saying they are dating, which is obvious to everyone given how they arrived with David slinging and arm around Matteo’s waist. Matteo also tells them about going to university finally.

“Did you hear back from them?” Amira asks from the side, nudging Matteo with her foot.

“Oh yeah, TU Berlin accepted me.”

“That’s nice! That’s close to Moabit too isn’t it?” Jonas says, genuinely happy for Matteo, being the first person to talk with Matteo about options and plans for university and the future, as well as where to aim for when David said he is moving back to Berlin.

“Yeah. I don’t know if I’m making a career out of it though, environmental science things.” Matteo muses.

“What else are you thinking?” Sam asks from next to Amira.

“I don’t know. Maybe photography or something. Don’t wanna get stuck in an office.” Matteo shrugs

From behind, he can feel David’s stare boring into his head. He has not talked about this with David, even though he has hinted about it plenty and also they have been out doing photography things a lot in recent months. He is not sure if he is talented enough like David or Laura to make a career out of it though.

* * *

**25 August 2023**

_Freitag 19:14_

David’s hard work with the TV series and his film deal paid off, as both of them are well-liked by the audience. David gets a handsome pay-off from the deals he has made, and also he starts to get name recognition in the industry, earning him contacts and approaches for more jobs going forward. David does look at the new deals he is being offered and consider them, but alongside this, there is also something else he wants to do.

Exposing the toxic culture of the modeling industry, using his position and reach as a filmmaker. Matteo’s experience is certainly a catalyst, but he has since researched more on the topic and made use of his contacts to speak to some people in the industry about the issue. He thinks it is an important issue to address, and that is why he plans to independently produce a documentary about this. People should stop pretending to be blind to bad-faith actors and behaviours.

He has talked to Matteo just now, quietly and face to face, sitting in the living room. Matteo has not said much about the issue, as David treaded lightly, but he finally showed David a weak smile and said he thought it is a good idea and topic that should be addressed. David nodded and comforted Matteo when he said he did not think he would be in a position to contribute, assuring him that is totally fine.

* * *

October has rolled around, and after years out of school since his abitur, Matteo is back in school – and finally in university. Environmental science is something he is genuinely interested about in knowing more of, considering he has always been conscious about environmental protection and sustainability. It is interesting to learn more about the science and workings behind everything, as Matteo has always been one who believes in science, and not in religions or superstitions.

He is easing into school life, making some new friends and acquaintances in various classes. One or two may have recognised his face, but he pays no mind to it. On the side though, David has gotten Laura to take on Matteo to work with her when he has free time from uni, after David talked it out with Matteo about his apparent interest in getting into photography. Laura may have raised her eyebrows at David’s request, but she took on Matteo without question, knowing this is a boy David loves, and she would do what she can to help out.

What causes David nuisance though, is the fact that as Matteo gets a better hang of doing portraits and photoshoots from working with Laura, he starts to have fun with the camera even when he is at home. David often becomes the subject of Matteo’s practice, either having shutter noises going off around him while David is figuring out a script of the new movie or the details in the documentary he is working on; or straight up being forced away from whatever he has been doing and having to pose for Matteo’s camera.

David begrudgingly admits to himself that Matteo is getting good with this photography thing that he thought was just a random interest Matteo might pick up in the first place. He does not tell Matteo directly though, lest he never hears the end of Matteo’s glee. He just goes through the pictures to choose the one he likes the most, edits it into black and white and makes it his profile picture on his social media handles. He sees Matteo lighting up like the sun when he discovers it, but does not say it out loud until he cannot resist Matteo badgering him about it anymore and finally letting him have the satisfaction of the fact.

* * *

**17 May 2024**

_Freitag 13:57_

The documentary has been predominantly on David’s mind in the numerous months since he committed to start working on it, even when he has had more lucrative directing deals on the side. It means something to him. It meaens something to Matteo too. The work of his hard labour, as well as talking to some of the victims in the industry finally sees the light of day. Matteo, as David has agreed, does not feature in the documentary. But he does show up to a few of the sessions that David conducted and talked to the people who agreed to appear in front of the camera, among which are some faces he has once seen at the runway and may have even exchanged a few words with in the past.

The documentary is unveiled at the DOK.fest München, and it gripped the attention, first of the people who attended the festival, and then the wider media. David was approached by some big media houses for the rights of the documentary, and instead of the one that makes him the most money, he agrees to a deal with a digital platform that gives the work the widest possible of reach. He is not in this for the money, he is in this for the awareness of the issue.

A journalist from a respected newspaper approached David to ask him if he would agree to talk to the paper about his thinking and everything that is related to the documentary. He rejected the approach at first but brought it up with Matteo over lunch on a quiet summer Friday.

“Why don’t you do it?” Matteo asks, after setting down the fork, and swallowing the bite of goulash that Matteo has learnt to make for both of them.

David mirrors Matteo’s actions and considers his question.

After a few beats, he finds his answer. “My work speaks for itself. And I don’t want it to draw attention to you, should it ever come up.”

Matteo mirrors David’s musing, considering his words, before he tells David, “I want to speak out,”

David’s eyes widen. “What changed? You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I think…I learned from the bravery of those people I talked to, and I want to get it out there as well.”

David checked in with Matteo at least a few times more, before he finally called back to the journalist and told her that he would do the interview, and he would be coming with Matteo Florenzi.

* * *

**14 June 2024**

_Freitag 17:21_

The day the story went to press, Matteo emailed his professors telling them he would be taking the day off. He has had talked to them about this story beforehand, and how it would be better for his mental health if he skipped the day. They all agreed graciously, either offering to catch him back up with the progress or saying that he could approach them if he had difficulties with the materials he missed out. The perks of being a good student. 

In the story, David did discuss at length his thinking and working process and issues he encountered in the production of the documentary, without compromising the confidence of his interview subjects in it. There is however, also a section in the same story that features Matteo. He discussed briefly the two incidents he encountered, but did not name names, as well as discussing moving away from the industry after these incidents and if his experiences influenced David’s work, or if David’s work influenced his view on the incidents.

Both of them did not tell any of their family or friends that this story was forthcoming beforehand. This is how Matteo and David are both perched in their living room, their phones put in the opposite corner of the room, and both of them resolutely ignoring the evident buzzing of both their phones.

When Matteo asks David for the third time in half an hour if they should check their phones, he finally relents and goes over to the corner to retrieve their phones.

Predictably, a lot of their friends text both of them, checking in with them and asking if Matteo is doing well, and especially Jonas offered to talk with Matteo if he ever needs it. There are also a few messages that tells Matteo that he is brave to speak out about it and everything else.

But what really pushes Matteo over the edge and makes him overcome with emotions, is what his mother messaged him.

_Mama_

“Matteo my darling, I have read the story in SZ. I’m so sorry about what has happened and I hope you know you can always talk to me about these things. You are the light of my life, and I support what you have done. Also, if you have time, please bring your boyfriend home with you. I missed you immensely, and I also would like to meet him.” – 17:17

David had a mild panic when he sees Matteo bursting into tears, but he wrapped him in a tight hug, and also feels the emotion wash over him when Matteo shows him the text message.

* * *

**7 March 2025**

_Freitag 09:07_

David goes into top surgery. Both Laura and Matteo were there for him. In the weeks since his surgery, all of David’s friends come around and alternate among themselves to keep an eye on David, helping him out if he needs things around the flat, and also stopping him from doing things he is not supposed to do. David is grumpy a lot of times, as he is inherently a very active person, but he is also very grateful that his boyfriend, sister and all his friends are there for him and try to do the best thing for him.

* * *

**18 August 2026**

_Dienstag 11:39_

Matteo has been taking on shoots for Laura’s studio these days, especially now that it is the summer, he has a break from school and he can focus on doing this. He is in an old warehouse that is used as a shooting studio for this fashion brand that his job is servicing. The place’s atmosphere makes a wave of old memories wash through him, as it reminds him of an incident in the past. 

He has just readied his camera and set it on the bench set up for the photography crew. He looks around, waiting for the models to get ready for the shoot.

The he sees something. _Kramer._ From the _Munich shoot_.

He knows why he has been feeling iffy and all that makes sense now, seeing this man walking around _his_ photoshoot.

He sees the man with the same predatory look on his face that he may never forget, walking towards the group of models in the corner talking among themselves. Before he knows what he is doing, he starts marching over.

He puts on his best fake friendly face.

“Hello, Mr. Kramer, it’s been a while.” He says faux-cheerfully, behind the mans back.

He can see the shoulders of the man physically freezing, then squaring, before the man turns back with the most convincing unamused look ready for whoever is intruding on his _ventures_. There is a small look recognition that flashes through the man’s eyes, when he fully faces Matteo.

“Hi, Matte – ”

“I do not believe we are on first name terms, Mr. Kramer.” Matteo still says with a smile on his face, though his tone suggests an entirely different story.

The models behind Kramer seems to sense what is happening and moves across the warehouse to the other end as they continue with their preparations.

The man freezes at how much more assertive the Matteo of today is than the one in the past.

“I do not _appreciate_ whatever you are trying to do at _my_ shoot, if you catch my drift. This is 2026, not 2016 or 2006. I would advise you to watch your step, _sir_.”

Without even waiting for a reply, he turns back and marches back to where his photography crew are waiting, energy seeping out of him a little bit, having done his best David impression ever. He is not going to back off. It is all for the cause.

The shoot went perfectly, in _all_ aspects. No need to offer free shoots to assholes.

* * *

**17 November 2027**

_Mittwoch 19:07_

David has finished one of the most daunting filming projects as a director a few months earlier for the Bavarian film house who has offered him his first ever film deal a few years ago. He has been alternating between arthouse films that he produces himself and mainstream, blockbuster films, and reveling in the differences in expression and style of these movies. He knows that something has been in the works for this film, and he has finally gotten the confirmation today. He is excited and is awaiting Matteo to come back from his new small studio, having cobbled together enough money to open a space for his own.

What he does not expect though, is being tackled into a hug as soon as Matteo bursts through the door of the flat. He thought for a second someone beat him to the news he wants to break to Matteo, before Matteo opens his mouth.

“I’m doing the cover shoot for the next edition of GQ.”

David’s brain takes a moment to catch up, then it registers in his mind what Matteo has just said. “Oh my god Matteo. I’m proud of you.”

“I have some good news as well.” David says, when he pulls back, hands still on Matteo’s waist.

“Yeah?” Matteo is still glowing, his happiness emanating into the atmosphere around them.

“My film is going to the Berlinale in Competition.”

“You what?” Matteo nearly yells.

Then before David cannot respond, he is laid down on the couch, with Matteo on top of him and them making out heatedly.

* * *

**2 April 2028**

_Sonntag 21:21_

Jonas has been bugging David a lot about this, asking him why he has been putting this off for so long when it is destined to happen. He has told Jonas that he does not believe in fate, really, and the right time just never arrived. 

In truth, he has just been a bit terrified of the thought of being tied to something forever, in contradiction with his innate wanderlust. When he thought it over though, he realised he has been an idiot about this. There is one person that he wants to be tied to in his life. And that person is Matteo Florenzi.

This is how, he finally makes up his mind to do it today. It is another quiet weekend night that is no different to any other weekend in the past or the future. Aside from the fact that it has a huge significance to David. And maybe Matteo.

He takes the opportunity, seeing Matteo sitting on the couch and playing a game on his phone in his post-dinner laziness. David knows this is his chance. He fiddles the box out from his back pocket, a kneels down on one knee in front of Matteo.

He sees Matteo’s eyes widen like a pair of saucers.

“April fools was yesterday, David.”

David takes a deep breath.

“Matteo Florenzi, it’s been seven years since I first talked to you. The seven years since has just gotten better and better with you. You make me a better and happier person, and I hope I have done the same for you. I know you are the person that I want to spend the rest of my life with.” He takes a breath. “Will you marry me?”

He can see tears pooling in Matteo’s eyes, as Matteo leans down and pulls David by the cuff of his shirt into a passionate and emotional kiss. They break apart a few moments later.

“Yes.”

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments always welcomed and appreciated :)
> 
> Incidentally, today I have published the first chapter of another AU I completed right before the blitz of BTS pictures from the DRUCK cast. [Check it out here!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21082019/chapters)
> 
> **Author’s Note**
> 
> Fifteen days of writing from Jul 31 to Aug 14, following on directly from when I finished the Director AU, has been one of the hugest struggles in my life. This AU haunted my brain somewhere along the lines of me writing the previous fic, and it has never stopped bothering me ever since.
> 
> This fic is different to me in a lot of sense. I did not start posting until I have finished the fic, but at the same time, I have had less of an idea about the plot. I set out with a plan, but somewhere along the line, things just got derailed left, right and center – and it cumulated into this fic.
> 
> In conversations with my friends, I have kept this fic under tight wraps, aside from letting Harri (@theyellowcurtains) into this. I have incessantly yelled about my struggle with blocks and plot holes into the void, as I somehow wrote 11k of this fic in the first two days, only to struggle along in the subsequent two weeks for the remaining six chapters.
> 
> Were it not for Harri’s encouragement for me to post this fic, it may have never seen the light of day. Such is the struggle I have been having with this. I could not decide if I love it even after I completed 30k words, but I think looking back, I can be very happy with how this fic went.
> 
> The topic and plot arcs are darker for this fic, and the pace is different from the Director AU. I try not to compare between the two fics, as I love these two fics for different reasons. This is a considerably harder challenge for me, even if it is half the length of what I still consider is my best work to date, and I hope I did the whole plot concept and details the justice they deserved.
> 
> Big props to Harri who read the whole thing for me before it even hit AO3, big props to the DOD for continually being the platform that lets me stayed connected with the best group of fans I have found in fandom; the dungeon gays group for being friends that I lean on for some happiness and for screaming about writing and life in general; and big props to everyone who have been along for this ride.
> 
> I have more ideas in my head, and I hope there would be more from me. Work and obligations are obstacles, but maybe there will be more opportunity to write, I hope.
> 
> Thank you.
> 
> _JL / residentsheepeer ; First draft 14 August 2019; Posted 19 October 2019_

**Author's Note:**

> HMU at davenziabend.tumblr.com  
Comments very much appreciated btw!
> 
> Big kudos to Harri (@theyellowcurtains on AO3) who gave such positive feedbacks to me when I had doubts about this work. Without him, this fic would never have been finished!


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